Being pulled out of myself, outside myself. Hearing words coming out of my mouth that are not mine to say. Words at severe odds with who I am, how I think. Words that if I heard them coming from someone else's mouth I would think "What a turd."
I walk differently. Doesn't feel right.
There is a blur, a Vaseline thick haze around me; I swear sometimes in my periphery I see blurred ragged lines as if who I am and what I am doing at that moment is so out of character that it creates an atmospheric backlash. Turbulence. Disturbance.
It feels like I am acting, which as I ponder this, is actually true. Acting to match an image in my head or an image forced upon me by the people and the situation.
Makes for a long day.
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