The 117th Running Of The Boston Marathon

Before December 14, 2012 I had become complacent about mass murder.

I am ashamed to admit that. As each mass killing unfolded I felt less and less. Because they became more and more. The oddness of being human - the level of pain you can absorb, the amount of pure filth and garbage your mind can process while you just keep moving on. To your meaningless job and your petty concerns.

When 32 people were killed in Connecticut - 26 of them children - I snapped inside. I became emotionally broken.

Now the Boston Marathon. Innocent people out enjoying a historic day. Off from work, off from school, which means they were actually living their lives, away from the things that stunt them and frustrate them and hurt them and bewilder them.

They were experiencing pure life.

Until two bombs went off. Three more dead. Including an eight year old child. Another kid dead. Another goddamn kid dead.

People with limbs blown off. People shocked, bloodied and afraid.

The mass shootings in America are symptomatic of the incurable disease that has infected this country. A broken humanity striving to survive in a country with only an illusion of opportunity.

Terrorism is symptomatic of the incurable disease that has infected humanity. Yeah the cruelty has existed for thousands of years but now apparently it is all the rage to spread that cruelty around the world as you please.

The human race is horrific. Somehow we took this thing called life and turned it into a competition to see who can get the most, who can control who, who can dominate mind and body and dictate what life should be, what religion should be, what opinion is allowed.

There is a diseased thought current flowing throughout the world that says it makes sense to kill innocent people to make your point.

I used to think that humanity would hit a low point and the cruelty would stop. I thought there would occur some sort of enlightenment or just a simple understanding that we are all human and we are all just trying to make something out of this thing called life before it is wasted.

Subconsciously I thought Sandy Hook might be it. I realized that yesterday when I got the Boston news. I realized it because I sunk even lower. I became more broken. I didn't think that was possible. But I know it is true because of what is inside of me today.

I don't want to go to work today. I don't want to go to work ever again. It means nothing. I don't want to talk to another human today. I want to exist outside of the human race. Away from the cruelty and oppression and lies and corruption that define our lives.

I watched a good chunk of The Masters this weekend. Odd for me because I thought it would be boring. I found it peaceful instead. Such a beautiful setting. Sunshine, breezes, birds singing. Quiet. When Adam Scott won, the commentator uttered two words. "Life changing."

I thought, yeah, that is what I need. Life changing. That is what you need. That is what we all need. Some positive life changing event to soothe our aching hearts.

Getting killed at the Boston Marathon was life changing. Getting your limbs blown off at the Boston Marathon was life changing. Having your mind shocked into a new reality at the Boston Marathon was life changing.

That is the flip side to life changing.

I think mass shootings and terrorism are closer to who we are as humans than winning The Masters.

I don't understand it and I never will.