Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Retirement Reflections #4


Death looms. I suppose if you want to be morbidly realistic (and I do) death looms from the day you are born. You are going to die, there is nothing you can do about it and at some age in your life you become aware of this.

At that point the awareness of death becomes a part of your life.

I have always been obsessed with death. Truthfully I do not understand how anyone could not be obsessed with death. It is such a weird concept to know one day you will just be gone. You run around living your life as if you are immortal but one day you will succumb. You will be only a memory.

I am uncomfortable with this truth.

My obsession became more focused when Sarge, Jonathan and Kevin died in rapid succession. Those deaths got under my skin and into my soul and stayed there.

Looking at where I am now I feel like I owe it to them to do more with my life. None of them had a chance to experience what I am experiencing now.

 Up until now I have pretty much just survived. What I am going to do from this point on is shape, mold and live my life in a way that will satisfy my soul, make me proud and draw applause from Sarge, Jonathan and Kevin.

B.B. King, Lemmy Kilmeister, David Bowie, Glen Frey, Keith Emerson, Paul Kantner and............

                                                                    Muhammad Ali.

These are people who had an impact on my life, people who died in 2015 and 2016. Kimeister, Bowie, Frey, Emerson and Kantner all died in quick succession.

Their deaths hit me hard because so many of the people that I dug as a kid and some, for all of my life, are dying off. This does not bode well for me.

It is a difficult thing when people you idolize are suddenly gone. You have such an intimate relationship with them, whether you ever saw them live or not, whether you ever met them or not, that they leave a void.

Which emphasizes the brutal nature of mortality.

I've been thinking about this a lot. What do you do when your idols die? Who do you turn to? You don't just pick up new inspirations, it doesn't work that way.

It makes you look at your life and evaluate whether or not these people had a true impact, beyond entertainment.

Did you incorporate whatever you admired about them into your own personality? If not, can you do that now?

I am 62. I have the rest of my life ahead of me. I have the time and determination to do something meaningful about it.

I'll let you know how it goes.

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