Wednesday, June 15, 2016

The Tuna Incident

Had a fulfilling first half of the day today.

Dentist appointment at 10:00. That is definitely not exciting but I haven't been in four years. I knew it had been a while but four years seemed a bit excessive.

Time is a misleading son of a bitch. It flows and it goes and suddenly you don't have enough of it.

Although I have noticed that since I "retired" time has taken on a distinctly different feel. It is like a thick and rich dark chocolate ice cream topping that even when you heat it up flows at its own pace.

Side note: I am listening to the Allman Brothers final concert at The Beacon Theatre on October 28, 2014. "Statesboro Blues".

Sparked a Wayne memory, Carol's older brother. He and I were riding together to The Pocono International Raceway, the legendary race track where we as a family, along with our friends, created legendary memories.

Carol's parents were living in Statesboro, GA at the time. The first line of the song is "Wake up, mama - turn your lamp down low." Wayne was driving, I was shotgun. He turned to me and asked "Do you think my father ever said that to my mother?"

Goddamn we laughed.

Escaped the dentist at 11:15 and motored my way into Concord. I am cleaning up and thinning out my life. I recently went through my closet and pulled out all the clothes I never wear. Washed them and folded them and put them in two 30 gallon trash bags.

Drove to the Salvation Army outpost and donated them. I feel good about this. In the past I would have thrown the clothes in the dump. No kidding. While I was there I bought myself two funky shirts for $5.99.

Pretty fucking cool.

Proceeded to Pet Smart from there to buy a bag of pill pockets. Now that Lakota has been officially diagnosed with hypothyroidism she is on twice daily medication and it is a bitch to sneak the pills past her.

Did a little research and discovered these pill pockets - cat snacks with an opening at the top - you slip the pill in there, squeeze it closed and fake your cat out. Can't wait to test them out tonight.

Left Pet Smart and decided to reward myself.

Had a little cash in the wallet and went looking for Taco Bell, wanting to try out those new cheese steak thingies but I blew it. Missed it somehow so I went to D'Angelos and got me a medium roast beef sub with pickles, onion, tomatoes and mayo.

Headed on home to chow and chill.

Settled on the screened in porch with the cats and the sandwich and prepared to chow and mow.

The first half of the sandwich went down like a gourmet meal. I was chowing the second half and sniffed something horrible. Turned the sandwich over and there was a hunk of tuna stuck to the back side.

TUNA! I fucking hate fish. Always have since I was 3 seconds old.

I wiped that poisonous stuff off the bread but the stink was unavoidable. So I sacrificed and ate the damn sandwich backwards. Took three or four bites to get past the stench and the horrific taste.

Finished the sandwich in relative calm and gourmet splendor but my psyche was rattled.

How did they know? Did they take one look at my pinched, close lipped countenanace and just know that I hate fish? And decide to punish me?

I prefer to believe it was a random mistake and that these things happen.

I am lovable. Why would anybody want to hurt me?

So there you have it.

A day in the life.

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