Saturday

I have widened the gap between my Wed-Thurs-Fri existence and the rest of my week.

I don't even feel like a human on work days - zombie doesn't describe it, dead doesn't describe it - I feel as if I walk around in a thick fog of unreality - a fever dream of appalling suffering.

BUT.................I have noticed that when I get up on Saturday I feel supernaturally fine.

I feel like Jesus' supervisor.

I have done myself a lot of good in 2021. Enormous. My new true self emerges on Saturday morning and everything is exponentially better. The cup of coffee, the book, my love for Maka in my lap - the peaceful solitude I enjoy alone. The contrast between Friday and Saturday is the contrast between a session with the thumbscrew and sublime peace of mind.

It has become a thing. 

At first I would sit in wonderment at how good I felt - such an unnatural state. I wasted time analyzing it, getting used to it. Now I enjoy and appreciate it. I use it as a weapon to attack the day. I know now that this is becoming my natural state.

My days feel longer. I don't hear the clock ticking. I make time to get shit done, I make time to improve myself, I make time to relax.

I look forward to four days of peace every week.

But Saturday is special, baby.

On Saturday the new true me emerges from my shell like a turtle poking his head out of his shell.

Astonishing how good it feels.