44

Saturday, February 12, 2022, is our 44th wedding anniversary.

Let's review. 

Carol has had a mastectomy; Carol had a tumor removed from her brain. Carol had facial surgery that was worse than medieval torture.

I had melanoma. I have prostate cancer.

We filed for bankruptcy in 1998. Almost lost our home.

These are the things that never enter your head when you are young and getting married. Why would they?

February 12, 1978. We were 24 years old. We are now 68. Blink of an eye, baby - blink of an eye.

May 3, 1980. Keith. October 23, 1983. Craig. The gift that keeps on giving. Supreme happiness that has nourished our souls for the majority of our married life together. And will continue to do so "for the rest of our lives."

I hate that term now because the time span it implies is short.

I am not here to be negative, but to supply perspective.

What has happened to our life over 44 years is what happens if you are lucky. And if you love each other.

Top of the charts, hands down, are Keith and Craig. These two human beings exploded into our life and ignited in our hearts unconditional love - the purest form of love. Unconditional kind of implies that you can forgive anything. The bonus with Keith & Craig is that there has never been anything to forgive.

Our love for them burns like a forest fire to this very day.

I am fascinated by the twists and turns our love - mine for Carol, Carol's for me - has successfully negotiated.

We have had hard times, good times blah blah blah. That happens to every relationship. What fascinates me now is where our love ended up. It's a different animal than it has ever been. I am blown away by it every day.

This is largely because I am slowly but surely becoming an adult. In 20 more years I might be described as mature.

I know what I have in Carol. I appreciate what an amazing person she is. So open, so strong, so naturally herself.

She can be a pain in the ass too, but I am not lying when I say that she makes me smile every day now, often when she is not even aware of me appreciating her.

We laugh together now more than we ever have. That is a magical, mystical gift.

I long to be a billionaire, but I have strong suspicians that I will never get there. But the life I have is pretty solid.

I have Carol, she has me. We have Keith and Craig.

Saturday night we are going out to dinner. Carabba's, our favorite Italian restaurant. It will be a quiet celebration. We will enjoy the food, the atmosphere, the significance of the day. We will enjoy each other's company. We will talk. Even after 44 years we still have things to say to each other. Maybe because we have been together for 44 years.

We did not realize on February 12, 1978 that we were not in control of our own destiny. At some point life stepped in and put its thumb on the scale. That's just the way it works.

We know it now. And what we do realize is that we survived it all. We have 44 years of memories that form our life narrative. We fought hard, we did what we had to do. And we can hold our heads up high.

Most importantly, we love each other. That is it, that is the point of life. To give love, to get love. 

Everything else is bullshit.

Our love for each other is bullet-proof. It is ours. We made it, we shaped it, we gave it the unique characteristics that no other couple can duplicate.

Magic, baby - pure magic.