Have A Nice Day, Jesus

Jesus. Please.

Answer my fucking prayers. RETIREMENT! That's all I want. Not too much to ask for.

I do not want to deal with this fucking new england weather anymore.

It is icy today. Rainy. Snowy. Weird. I have to go out in this shit - I have to go to work. 

I am sixty eight years old. 68!

I should be nestled in my recliner right now without a care in the world. No obligations. No worries. No reason to leave the house.

Instead my blood pressure is 236 over 188, sitting here thinking about the drive in. The drive home. Cleaning off the fucking car. Road conditions. My condition.

I realize a lot of this is on me. I made bad decisions, non-decisions. Had my eyes clenched shut as I grimaced my way through the work-a-day world. Forgot about the hole "putting a little away for a rainy day"scenario.

But you knew that. You let it happen. No warning, no lectures, no heads-up.

Give me a fucking break. I thought we were buddies.

You could have given me some help. Given me a sign. Given me some money.

Everybody I know is retired. Every single fucking person I know is retired. 

Including people who haven't been born yet. That's right. I know people who will be born into retirement. Tough concept to grasp but I have faith in your ability to figure it out. After all, it's your fault.

Every human being on earth is retired. Except for me.

Retired people wave at me, drink in hand, and laugh as I drive by their windows. "Have a nice day, Joe."

I throw rocks through their windows as much as I can, but their are a lot of windows filled with a lot of assholes. I can't keep up.

I don't know what else to say. I need to retire. Immediately. And since I failed to pull it off it's up to you to make it happen.

You owe me, man. I am a sensitive guy. Whatever evil things I have done in my life, whatever mistakes I have made - you know I am a sensitive, loving individual who deserves all things good. You know that. You fucking know that.

I am only human after all. Made in your image. Or your father's image. I forget which one.

I deserve to be rewarded, not punished. I am a sweetheart of a guy.

Listen, do me a favor. If you are leaning towards thumbs down, then just kill me in my driveway as I am scraping fucking ice off of my car today. Massive myocardial infarction. Fatal.

Let's get this over with.

I don't want to deal with ice and snow anymore, I don't want to deal with a job. I am sick and tired. Beat down. Spent.

OK. That's it. That's my prayer for today.

Show some compassion, man. You're always bragging about it, so do it.

Have a nice day, Jesus.

Amen.