He carried sadness with him like an anchor.
Along with an acute awareness that he would
never do anything about it.
He was too far gone.
There was not enough time and not enough energy
left to make amends.
Life judged and life punished.
He never understood the rules, felt they were arbitrary
and harsh.
Always off balance in his mind, in a crowd,
there was never any peace.
When you throw away a life, when you trash this precious gift,
you have to pay the price, you don't deserve to live.
He hated himself and loathed all others.
The unavoidable by-product was a bonfire of rage.
Anger that seethed below the surface, skewing all perspectives,
robbing him of any chance at redemption.
Courageous from a distance, cowardly up close.
Solutions existed in his mind, but were never acted upon,
creating frustration that crushed as relentlessly as sadness.
Recognizing no options, no magic bullets, his mind
became empty.
Devoid of hope, devoid of will.
With no one there to save him, he laid down and he died.
When you throw away a life, when you trash this precious gift,
you have to pay the price, you don't deserve to live.
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