Mushy But Cunning

Here's the thing about Buddhism.

I believe in the words. But to get to where the words can take you requires enormous discipline.

Because we are weak. We are distracted. We are buried to our necks in the muck that is life in the 21st century.

Especially in this country, the things we aspire to are superficial. 

The greatest goal you can achieve is to be yourself always. To not be affected by the opinions of others, the approval or disapproval of others, the influence of others.

Stay calm, be you naturally. Much harder than it sounds.

I want to adopt Buddhist discipline. I believe it would allow me to get where I want to go, to be who I am. To get comfortable in my own skin and let everything else flow around me.

"To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one's family, to bring peace to all, one first must discipline and control one's own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him." Gautama Buddha.

My mind is oatmeal mush. When I shake my head, I feel it sloshing around in there. I have not been able to develop the discipline to control my mind. So I bounce from one thing to another like a pinball. And I lose.

I have tried and I continue to try. I have made progress, but the progress I have made only highlights how much further I have to go. Tick, tick, tick..............

Discipline includes not listening to the ticking of the clock - every positive change is an achievement unto itself. Immediately to be recognized and built upon. But incremental change is tough to swallow at the age of 68.

See what I did there? I admit that positive change is good, and then I shoot it down with Joe's Theory of Incremental Change (Relative to Age.)

Here's what sparked all this. I watched a documentary on Garry Shandling over the last few nights. Universally recognized as a comedian's comedian. A very funny guy. An exceptionally funny guy and a groundbreaker in comedy on TV.

He was into Buddhism. For his entire adult life. He kept diaries - lots of them - many quotes from his diaries were featured in the documentary. He worked at it, he tried and tried and tried - he made great progress - he was never really happy.

Therein lies the conundrum. You work on yourself, you make progress, but there's always progress to be made. Buddhism should bring you peace, but getting there brings you angst.

Of course, the fact that adopting the disciplines of Buddhism causes stress, suggests a flaw in the mind that is contrary to what Buddhism is all about.

I have spent a lot of time recently memorizing things. Reading challenging philosophies. Meditating.

These are exercises that are good for the brain and that have made me sharper. But the mind, the mind man - it is mystical and magical. It really does have its own agenda. If you pay attention to the thoughts running through your mind it feels like a lifeforce separate from your body.

Trying to take control of it is like breaking a bucking bronc. I jump on with a new approach and holy shit - I am making progress - I feel good about myself. Next instant I am lying flat on my back on the ground.

Thinking meaningless thoughts.

My mind is particularly recalcitrant. Its got all kinds of tricks and negativities and darkness and contempt built into it to be used as weapons to defeat my best of intentions.

"Whatever the hateful do to the hateful, or an enemy to an enemy, worse is the harm of a misguided mind directed at oneself." Gautama Buddha

I'm trying, man - I'm trying.