A Genuine Meltdown (A Sobering Omen)

Took a call from a customer at work yesterday.

A Genuine Asshole. 

Another one of these brainless pricks who insist on interrupting me every time I speak, but this guy took it to the ultimate level. He was a professional interruptor. I would not believe a human being could interrupt as frequently and as rudely as this guy did. On my own, I would have hung up on the prick, but being a Customer Service Professional I had to hang in there, as my teeth chipped from grinding them.

And my anger slowly intensified.

After an eternity of this, and after his credit card would not go through - TWICE - I cut him off, put him on hold, and put my head in my hands to keep from screaming. The Bossman decided to finish the call.

I turned around, punched the counter behind me, said "Fuck This" in front of the sweet 80 year old lady I work with, and walked out of the office.

I walked into the men's room where I knew I could not be interrupted. Pulled my phone out of my pocket - I don't know why - I am not a phone junkie. I was white hot, blurred vision mad - I don't think I knew what I was doing. Noticed that Carol had called - I called her back. She was asking me about supper - I mumbled a couple of answers in a low volume, barely under control.

Until I exploded, and quickly told her about the call and then loudly yelled "I hate my fucking life, I want to die, I want to fucking die."

Is that melodramatic enough for you?

It was a stupid, mean, immature thing for me to do to Carol and it upset her a lot. I was so very wrong to do it. I was completely out of control; it was like I was listening to a stranger scream incoherently. 

There is no way for me to make it up to her. 

I then walked into the dark, empty theatre and sat alone for half an hour before walking back into the office.

I have today off. Time to man up. I am spending a large amount of time trying to find a solution to this work/money problem. Obviously I cannot handle the situation I am in. I am a fucking psychopath filled with uncontrollable rage that any annoying situation can ignite.

I have no idea what the solution will be. 

But it will be.