Hack That Shit Out of Me

I am scheduled for knee replacement at the end of the month.

SO

I am exercising like a pig-donkey, dieting like a motherfucker.

I plan on being as healthy as I can possibly be when they cut that bad boy out of me and replace it with a titanium/plastic Super Knee.

Strange stuff, don't you think? Hacking my real knee out of my body, replacing it with titanium and plastic. How bizarre, how bizarre.

I started too late on the weight loss thing - I'll probably end up losing .3oz before surgery but, fuck it - I am 70 years old. To lose ten pounds before surgery I would have had to start dieting in 2019. Fuck it - I am trying. And to keep from gaining 75 pounds during recovery, I'll have to eat like a hummingbird.

Since we moved to Nirvana I have been exercising religiously, but for surgery I have kicked it up a notch. Pushing hard enough that I really feel like I am accomplishing something.

I am not excited about the surgery but I am excited about a pain-free knee. Been dealing with this for far too long. Can you spell procrastination?  I mean this type of surgery is fucking routine these days, no big deal - but surgery is surgery. I am not shitting my pants but I am nervous. And just for fun the other night Carol and I watched a movie where part of the story involves a person who dies during routine surgery because of problems with anesthesia. What the fuck? We did not know that was part of the plot.

I was thrilled.

Spinal block - a procedure that numbs part of the body to block pain by injecting a local anesthetic or opioid into the subarachnoid space around the spinal cord. Shit, man - I'm getting me one of those - to numb pain from the waist down. Again, not excited but sometimes you just gotta roll the dice.

I probably would not enjoy knee replacement without anesthesia.

I had a bunch of pre-op testing done today. Got the instruction manual - do's and don'ts day of surgery and while recovering. Looking at probably four to six weeks to resume most normal activities - up to as much as a full year for full recovery.

I am scheduled for follow-up four weeks after surgery and Dr. Feelgood told me at that point most men "my age" can drive themselves to the appointment and walk with crutches and sometimes without.

I think I'll bounce back pretty quickly.

Carol will have to take care of me initially when I am just a lump of helpless. I can see her evolution over four weeks. From my own personal Angel to Nurse Ratched.

If surgery doesn't kill me, Carol will.