Ugly World

 I watched a movie the other night where a guy underwent shoulder surgery and ended up with brain damage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

What the fuck? What is it with these movies and major surgery? I don't need brain damage - my brain is damaged enough!

AND

During pre-op testing on Tuesday, the nurse practitioner listening to my heart said she heard a murmur. What? News to me. She stressed it was minor, absolutely not worth worrying about, not unusual for "men my age." Suggested I bring it up with my own Dr. Feelgood at my next physical.

Then I got a call when I got home - my kidney numbers were "off". Apparently I am dehydrated, which is insane - I am a water guy - I drink about 50 ounces a day. I also drink coffee, tea, and juice. Nevertheless, she wants me to drink even more water - approximately 75 bottles a day. Then I have to go back for additional bloodwork before surgery.

My next physical is in December - I did not want to wait until then to talk murmur with my Dr. Feelgood - so I emailed her yesterday.

She got back to me and said don't worry about it, no big deal. She ordered up an echocardiogram to "check the valves and chambers of my heart as well as its pumping capability" but stressed that I don't need to have it done before surgery.

I understand the medical community is way over the top when it comes to highlighting every tiny, little thing that might affect your health these days. So truthfully I believe there is nothing to worry about. (?)

However, there exists another possibility - they're plotting to kill me. "Heart murmur? No worries - nothing to see here. Kidney numbers off? Big deal - suck it up, loser. Trust us."

I die on the table, they instigate a massive cover-up - denial, lies, excuses. They point Carol to my life insurance policy. They chop my body up and sell off the parts in the black market. Whatever they can't sell goes to McDonald's.

It's an ugly world, folks.