I can't stop it. Can't slow it down. 2012 is coming and there is nothing I can do about it, short of dying, which I am not interested in doing right now.
Annual melancholia is creeping into my bones, seeping into my thoughts and I am struggling to stay on course. I do this every year, but it is more intense this year because of the effort I put into 2011.
No results to speak of. Other than the weight loss thing, and even that is in jeopardy. Have had two football Sundays involving a lot of caloric intake, and at least one more on the horizon. December has also already been dominated by strawberry cake and chocolate chip cookies. Tough sledding.
I will publicize my weight on January 1 and be done with it. I will leave you alone after that because I know you don't give a damn about my obesity, and I don't blame you. I have not weighed less than 170 pounds for at least fifteen or twenty years. That is the significance to me. It is a meaningful goal.
12/31 is a double whammy for me. The end of another calender year; the end of another year of my life. That is why it weighs so heavy on my mind.
On 01/01/12 I begin my 59th year on this planet. The trick will be to maintain my focus and keep that determination fired up. After the Christmas lights have come down and the tree goes back to the cellar, after my life returns to boring normalcy, after having achieved very little for my efforts, the challenge will be to keep working on myself.
I believe I am up to the challenge. I WANT with a vengeance never before experienced in my soul.
Until then you may have to indulge my critical introspection one or two more times. Bear with me; I'm only human.
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