Being A Dad

Being a dad is not biological.
Playing your part in creating children does not make you a dad.
Being a mother is intensely biological. Skip the scientific explanation of how pregnancy occurs, just think about the concept of one human being growing another human being inside of her. It is god-like.
What an amazing, mysterious, magical, mystical, overwhelming thing. This tiny, developing life, slowly maturing over nine months entirely dependent on the host body. Knowing nothing but the body that encases and protects and nourishes it. Communicating internally with mom as mom communicates internally with the baby. Silently. Wordlessly. Communicating in the most intense way humans can communicate.
No matter what the relationship is after birth and thirty years down the road, there always has to be that intuitive understanding and connection that mom gave birth to you. Whether you think about it or not, whether you acknowledge it or not, it is there - the spiritual connection that cannot be denied. The spiritual connection that is majestic and amazing.
Mom still has to be a good mom after giving birth, she still has to do her thing, but she has a huge leg up on dad right out of the gate.
And that is as it should be.
A dad is a different thing. His relationship is not as intimate. It is intimate in a different way, if he cherishes his role enough. His kids know he loves them because he gets home from work, tired and worn down by the reality of vanishing dreams, vanishing because of reality, and gets enormous energy from playing with his kids. Feeling fatigued on the ride home, suddenly he is outside playing whiffle ball, or wrestling in the house, or playing catch or basketball and pure joy radiates from his face.
His kids can just feel what a treasure they are to him, what magic medicine they are for his soul.
They joke, they laugh, they get goofy and they talk.
Maybe dad reads to them before they go to bed. They watch goofy shows on TV.
They are together and it feels natural.
I don't think a dad has to overcome the spiritual connection that exists between the kids and mom; I think he needs to complement it.
A real dad can recognize the beauty of the relationship between mom and the kids and do whatever comes naturally to him to add to that.
Early on, kids should look to mom and dad as amazing people. They should never be afraid of them. They should look to them for learning and for love and for inspiration and for safety. And it should not be strained; these things should flow from the parents to the kids effortlessly.
Later, when the kids are older and recognize their parents as human beings, they can revise their opinions downward.
That's called learning.
Dad's connection to his kids can never approximate mom's in the spiritual realm. But the relationship between dad and the kids can be powerful and magical and mind blowing and spiritual in it's own way.
It's all about love. It's all about uncompromised commitment between human beings.
It's about honesty and trust.
There are lots of biological dads out there who shatter the meaning of the word dad.
And there are lots of dads out there who create their own spiritual connection, fueled by intense love, between themselves and their kids.
Celebrate the real dads.