Thursday, June 14, 2012

Manic Eccentric

I am manic eccentric.
But I keep it well hidden.
Outwardly I am a fine fellow. Relatively upbeat and polite, doing my best to make you feel good. Acting the responsible role and not displaying my true tastes too flamboyantly. The Nazis, I mean, NHSLC frowns upon individual expression.
But deep down I am Liberace and Elton John cross pollinated with Bruce Springsteen and Johnny Depp.
Certain items of apparel were meant to viciously augment individual expression.
Like socks. I have one pair of pink socks, three or four socks with skulls and crossbones on them and that's it. I believe socks should reflect every color in the rainbow. Especially the fluorescent ones.
My collection will soon expand to include cherry red, purple, yellow and lime green. I just have to find a place to buy them.
I'm finding as I metamorphasize, my flamboyance is leaking out, rising to the surface unchecked.
A healthy thing.
Shoes.
Man I love funky, two tone shoes. I am ordering a pair tomorrow from DSW. Black and white, kind of wing tip style shoes. Beautiful. I have a $20 off coupon - how can I go wrong?
I was legendary at the legion for the red sneakers I wore behind the bar. I had an urge, Carol indulged it on Father's day and next thing you know I was wearing these bright red absolutely gorgeous sneakers.
The legion is not the place to wear red sneakers but I didn't give a good goddamn. I loved them, I wore them. Took a lot of verbal abuse along racist lines like "Did you steal those sneakers off a..................". Unoriginal and boring.
The best line I got was "Where did you get those sneakers, Clown College?" I loved that line and repeated it often.
Ear rings. I eventually want one ear ring for every day of the year. I typically wear conservative ones to work, a little more flamboyant in public, but I have ear rings I wear at home that I wear no where else.
Kind of silly, no? I like these ear rings but feel the world is not ready for them.
Better get ready.
I dig color. I notice all the big money bling guys wear big diamond ear rings, but never ruby stones or garnet stones or emerald stones. I get me more money, I get me more color.
Hats. I love hats. I have two Fedoras I inherited from my father that I rarely wear. Gorgeous hats. Just bought a white hat with a black hat band over the Memorial Day Weekend that suits me perfectly. In fact Carol made me stop wearing it because eighteen year old girls were coming up to me on the beach telling me they wanted to marry me, and that if I was already married they would marry me and my lovely wife.
Carol is close minded that way.
I will be wearing hats more often.
Ties. I don't wear ties much anymore because I am a member of the ultra poor and I don't go anywhere where a dress code is enforced.
Soon I will be rich and my tie collection will explode. They must be colorful and 100% silk. Don't give me those ugly polyester ties or the blends. If a tie ain't silk, a tie ain't nuthin'.
Suits. I used to wear beautiful suits. I'm partial to pin stripe of course but BOLD pin stripe. I am losing weight again and when I get down to 75 pounds I am going to go to Men's Wearhouse and buy me 15 suits. Bold, beautiful, one of a kind suits. 100% wool, or linen, seersucker or wool/silk blends. No cheap blends please. Take a look a David Letterman's suits and you will learn to drool over suits. They are exquisite.
Jewelry.
Rings. I love rings, man. Like the way they feel, like the way they look. Wristbands, bracelets, necklaces, neck chains. The more the merrier.
Gotta be distinct. Gotta be unique.
None of that cheap Mafia looking stuff.
Vests. Love vests. Got about four or five. One leather, the rest fabric. Don't wear them much, gonna wear them more often. Vests are cool, man.
Shirts. I veer from black to explosive. Sometimes you need cool, sometimes you need flamboyant. You never need to wear a shirt that every other guy is wearing.
"Spress Yourself."
Manic eccentric, man.
Been that way all my life.
Time to let it shine.

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