Exquisite Torment

I went to THE PATS site for the first time today.

I am twisted like a pretzel at this time of year. My body is hanging onto, crying out for, more heat, more heat, more heat. Don't let summer die. Don't you pass me by. Don't you make me cry.

But football rumbles back to life at this time of year, as improbable as that may seem. Goddamn August and football teams are back in camp binging and banging and filling up stadiums with testosterone.

I don't want to think about football at this time of year. Football is cold. Football is snow. Football is winter.

I want to think about football at this time of year. Football is my passion, football is my life, football makes me come alive and keeps me alive.

I go to the site and immediately I am slapped in the face - today is Tom Brady's birthday. His 36TH birthday.

Jesus Christ.

Super Bowl XXXVI, XXXVIII, XXXIX. Glorious.

XLII, XLVI - sucked.

We could have had 5 titles by now. Those last two losses ripped out a couple of my internal organs.

And Brady is 36.

The team is magic, it is beautiful, it has a life of its own. But Brady. Everything revolves around Brady.

The man rocks.

When he is gone my fandom may be tested. My son Keith lies in wait, monitoring me, waiting to see if I remain rabid if THE PATS slip for a while.

Keith taught me to be a PATS fan as much or even more than I am a football fan. To put this in perspective, if football were banned as a sport, I would put on a tutu, lock myself in a closet with an intravenous hook up to a 40,000 gallon jug of Crown Royal and ride the damn situation out to the bitter end.

I LOVE The New England Patriots. The level of excellence they have maintained since XXXVI is unrivalled in the history of the world.

Tom is getting older. I NEED another Super Bowl title with Tom at the helm. Maybe two. Maybe three.

Anyway.......................

I am committed to reading up on THE PATS as much as my life will allow. I want to be informed this year. INFORMED.

I want to know this team inside and out. When I exhale at night in my sleep I want that breath to smell like PATS.

I am committed to getting out of The Asylum hell I am burning in BEFORE the season starts because if I don't I will miss 75% of THE PATS games and this would destroy me.

Christ, one visit to THE PATS website and I am in flux.

Trembling.

And it is only August 3.

Tom Brady's birthday.

I was not invited to celebrate with him.

I must work harder to raise my profile.