R.I.P. 2006-2011

I gotta tell you folks, weirdness is swirling around me like a fog over the moors. I have spent the last six years toying around with my life, in a good way. Ripping the script apart and writing a new one.
From lifelong accountant to bartender to food distributor manager to liquor store clerk.
What a ride. The irony is that the catalyst for all this change and experimentation was The Holy Quest For Happiness. And after all this vibration I am no happier than I was in April of 2006. It's possible that I am even less happy. More bitter. How bizarre. How bizarre.
I turned up the intensity in a personal way in 2011. Fell apart for a while and now I am clawing my way back to that equation. And engaging in this silly job interview process as I go.
Destiny vibes are pinging their way around my head, bouncing off the ceiling, shooting out to deepest space, bouncing off the ozone layer and buzzing back around my skull. A skull my father often described as thick. But that's a story for another place and time.
You cannot shake up your life the way I have and not get results. Aye that's the rub. The results can be good. The results can be bad.
I don't know how the universe works. I'm talking the ethereal stuff, I know exactly how this petty material world works. And I have not been able to divine the relationship between the ethereal and the material.
I'm gonna keep on slogging away because I crave results. Success would taste pretty good. I deserve it. Failure is an option but even that would be better than crawling along the way I was up through 2005.
The key is the effort has to be honest. And intense. You cannot expect to burn up the world without first lighting yourself on fire.
Ersatz Joe sometimes fools Genuine Joe that he is giving it his all. The truth is there is focus and there is distraction. The intensity comes and goes as well. Very difficult to maintain the burn every day when there are no short term rewards to feed the fire.
But what the hell, the past six years have been an experiment, a trying, fueled by plans and expectations and theories and assumptions.
I have to believe that I will hit the mark sooner or later. I honestly believe that I am hovering all around it. Even this silly interview game has meaning on a spiritual level; I think all this posturing and trying and failing is a solid karmic sign. It's even possible that my true life is flashing in front of me like a bright red neon sign and I am looking the other way.
Hey Dad, it's good that I have a thick skull because it has been taking a beating and I am still around. Look down on me or up at me depending on where your eternal road led you, and stick around for the show. I am just getting started. Which is in sync with Mom's description of me as a late bloomer.
Ciao