Are We Getting Old?

Carol and I ask each other that question from time to time.

It is inevitable.

We get psyched to watch a fund raising benefit concert that is being mercilessly hyped. The commercial comes on, they run through the lineup of artists and we know 3 out 20 of them. And the people we know and love are old.

Comedy special - same thing. Who are these people?

Or we see talk show hype for Jimmy Kimmel or Jimmy Fallon or Stephen Colbert. You know, running down the guest list for the week. And we don't know any of them. None.

We try to do something on our laptops or tablets or phones and can't fucking figure it out.

One night recently we were watching TV, no doubt improving our brains, when Carol looked over at me and said "Look at us. Sitting with sweatshirts on and blankets on our laps." In May. In fucking May.

In our defense it really hasn't been that warm yet. But still.

Truth is we are getting old. 66 ain't middle aged, baby. Although I wish it was. Imagine yearning for middle age.

There is a twinge of the unknown in the question - are we getting old. It's a little uncomfortable. We know we are getting old.

It is comforting to know that my 66 is not my father's 66. I am proud of the way I exercise, I am proud of my youthful attitude. Youthful attitude from my perspective, at least.

But shit, man. I am 66. I don't want to be 66.

And the surgeries that Carol has gone through have taken a lot out of her. Her spirit is as strong as ever. Her determination. Her positive attitude. But physically she is not the same.

Fucking age, man. Has a way of reminding you that you are not as young as your mind seems to think you are.

This Covid-19 bullshit has slowed things down. It's so weird. Exactly at a moment when we should be thinking about "the rest of our lives" this deadly disease has put the breaks on. And given us time.

I am obsessed with not returning to the life or the Joe I was before. I refuse to do that. I am using this break as best I can.

I am staying active physically and mentally. Much more so than I do when I am working. I have come to realize just how much time I spend moping around when I have to work. What a waste.

Carol is working a lot from home and filling her down time with HGTV and Law & Order.

We are getting along well. Enjoying each other's company, actually. Could have gone the other way but it hasn't. I think that is a good sign.

I still feel guilty about the leisure we are enjoying. We just came back from a walk on a gorgeous day. I look around at the beauty, I smell it, I hear it and my mind is tilted sideways wondering how the hell can 80,000 Americans be dead with many more to die while we enjoy peaceful serenity.

We are getting old. No way around that.

But we have been given a weird break. I know this is it for me. Fix myself now or stagger mindlessly to the finish line in a useless, negative funk. Trust me, I will fix myself.

Carol has a different attitude too. We talk about how things are gonna change when we come through this. Deep down inside I know we will make those changes.

Life is extremely bizarre.