I'm banging away at my brain.
It is resistant but becoming more pliable.
Discovered this guy named James Clear. Found him online, started reading his writings and philosophies and they resonated with me. You can pretty much research any topic and boom - he's got a column about it. His website is a wealth of knowledge.
Overcoming fear. Anxiety. Developing self confidence. Critical thinking. Hot damn and it's good stuff too. The columns are short and sweet and consistent in approach.
His basic philosophy is that small changes in habits lead to big changes over time. You should not overwhelm yourself with massive short term goals.
This appeals to me because my approach in life is the exact opposite. Apocalyptic.
When I get disgusted with my morbid obesity, I want to lose 20 pounds in a week. I'll start eating cottage cheese and crackers, I'll start exercising, and then a week later when I have actually gained weight, I'll say fuck it, pour myself a tumbler of whiskey and grab a bag of Oreos.
When I feel broke and depressed I start looking for big money jobs on Indeed. But I end up with Customer Service jobs that pay $11/hour to start - with unlimited advancement potential. Then I say fuck it, pour myself a tumbler of whiskey and grab a bag of Oreos.
When the world fell apart in March I dedicated myself to getting better. Starting with losing weight. So I started exercising like a fiend, knowing full well results would be slow.
When you are 66 years old you have to burn 16 million calories every day to lose 1 ounce per week. That's just the way it is. So I decided I would just do it, and also change my eating habits, and eventually I would have the body of an Olympic swimmer.
I am definitely getting there but it is slow. When I was 40 years old, if I changed my diet the way I have, if I exercised the way I have been doing, I would have lost 35 pounds in 9 days. But that's all right. I knew this is the way it would go. And I am getting there. I can feel it. I can see it.
More importantly I am doing it the James Clear way. The ultimate goal is to lose weight and get healthy; the immediate goal is to exercise 6 days/week and eat healthier. This I am doing.
The mind stuff is harder. I am battling a lifetime of negative, self abusive thoughts. I read Clear during the day and say to myself "Yeah, that makes sense - I can do this". The next day I crawl out of bed and my diseased brain has reverted to the same old negativity. But when it does I recognize it and try to reason my way around it. I am getting there.
I bought his book. Atomic Habits (atoms are small but can be powerful). Every time I read his columns there were ads for the book. This pissed me off. Many years ago I bought a bunch of self help books and was always disappointed. I decided they were rip offs and decided to stay away from them. You know, fix my life on my own. Strangely enough, that has not gone well.
I held out for a while but now I am glad I bought it. I only allow myself to read one or two chapters a day so I can absorb it. Then I'll read a couple of his columns.
Brief aside: I am also reading Marcus Aurelius, and Ralph Waldo Emerson. I am fighting a war. Every day is another battle. I believe if I keep feeding my brain James Clear, Marcus Aurelius and Ralph Waldo Emerson, my brain will get healthy. A healthy brain will lead to happiness.
Again, I am doing it the James Clear way. The ultimate goal is to rearrange the way my brain thinks; the immediate goal is to feed it positive stuff every day until I get there.
I am committed to this approach. It feels right.
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