I Can Breathe (And..............)

I filed for unemployment compensation on 4/20.

I have been in weekly contact with them right from the start because it has not gone smoothly. There were weeks when I talked to them 2 or 3 times. Probably emailed them 444 times.

I finally got paid this week. One month later. Got one week's benefit yesterday, another today. They still owe me two more but it will take time because those weeks got royally fucked up. But I think the kinks have been worked out. It should go smoothly from here.

Here's the thing. I am taking in more money through unemployment than I was making working two part time jobs. A lot more.

It is ridiculous but I am grateful.

I contacted Hyundai the week of 4/20 to apply for deferred payments.

Again, multiple phone calls, many emails. I finally got a notice this week of a 1 month deferred payment. They review the situation monthly. So if I am still unemployed in June I'm sure my payment will be deferred. They will do it three times if necessary.

Here's the thing. I bought the car on 4/16. Originally, my first payment was due on May 31. Now my first payment is due June 30. If things continue to suck, it's possible I won't make a payment until September. I bought the car with zero money down, I am paying zero interest on the loan.

This is the first week since this bullshit started that I feel I can breathe. It has been a struggle as far as getting everything lined up but things are clicking and we are in a good place.

Which brings me to awareness.

Something is going on here. We have been given an opportunity.

The whole fucking world is suffering and we are thriving. We have to make the most of it. We are morally obligated to make the most of it.

I knew two months ago when all this bullshit started that I was either gonna drink whiskey or fix myself. Those were my choices. I was fully aware of what was going on.

I made the right decision.  Got me an excellent groove going. Excellent groove. I haven't felt this good since I won that $33 million in Powerball. Wait, what? I didn't win Powerball? Shit, then - I have never felt this good.

The goal is to develop independence. Ultimately that is what this is all about.

Vulnerability is burning a path through my brain. If we were not in the financial shape we are in this pandemic could have destroyed us. If Carol wasn't working, if we didn't have money in the bank it would have been tough. I would not be driving a new car, we would be in panic mode financially.

I am still dependent on a job. I will be going back eventually. I don't want to be dependent. I need to come up with another way to make money. An alternative. So if something happens again we will not be vulnerable.

I have no idea what that thing is. But it is enough for me right now that I am thinking about it. That I am aware of the need. And that I have time to think about it and act upon it.

This ties into my evolving perspective and growing confidence. I am actually thinking. Who knew?

I am driving a brand new car, we have money in the bank, Carol is still working. Trust me I know exactly how lucky we are.

We're good. I need to make us better.

Life took a pretty big swipe at us and missed.

I will make us stronger just in case its aim improves.