Went food shopping last Friday.
Bought more toilet paper. Can't help myself. Holy Shit.
Every time I see The Gold Standard - Charmin Ultra-Strong - it triggers a Pavlovian response in me.
I gotta have it.
Thing is, now we have 22 Mega-Rolls of the stuff. That's enough fucking toilet paper to take care of a family of 8 through the year 2525. And that doesn't count the cheap shit we already have, which we have in abundance.
Now granted, my asshole was offended by the cheap shit I was forced to buy in the beginning. And it is pleased by the soft caresses of quality toilet paper.
And there is a voice in the back of my head that tells me if the pandemic goes south again (which I believe it will) the same idiots will pull the same shit with the hoarding of toilet paper again.
They are obviously not as enlightened as I am.
But Christ, man - I gotta stop.
I am like a TP junky, lurking in dark alleyways next to Market Baskets. Waiting for some poor, unsuspecting victim to wander by so I can crack them over the head with a miniature Fenway baseball bat, rip the toilet paper out of their hands and laugh maniacally in their face as I stagger drunkenly away.
This is not who I dreamed of being when I was growing up.
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