Tears

I am tired of tears.

But there's no way around it. Tears are going to be with us for a long time.

I am tired of sitting down to the news at night and seeing people being interviewed. People who have lost their business, lost their jobs, lost family members without being able to say good bye or bury them.

Tired of seeing them cry as they express their desperation and sadness. Their bewilderment at how quickly and negatively their lives have changed. The shock of it all.

No money in savings, unemployment not kicked in yet, maybe not getting the government money yet. Not knowing where to turn or who to talk to.

Not knowing how they are going to pay for food. Or rent. Or mortgage.

Crying.

It is always the little people, isn't it? The people who work hard and play by the rules and enjoy very little fun in their lives. People who, when they get a little fun in their lives, appreciate it.

Never see the rich crying. Never hear much from the rich unless it is to shit on the real people. Try to deny them benefits. Try to avoid helping them. Look down on hard working regular human beings.

Carol and I are so fucking lucky. We have money in the bank, we have social security, Carol's retirement benefits, credit cards with a lot of room on them. We put ourselves in this position and I am proud of that.

But I still feel guilty. I see these people at night and it breaks my heart. Carol and I are on what is basically a paid vacation. Yeah, I am filing for unemployment, working with Hyundai to get some relief on payments for my new car, wondering whether either of my jobs will come back.

That's all going on. Still our lives right now are peaceful. Not frantic. I spend my days exercising, dieting, stimulating my brain - enjoying myself. It feels very good; it doesn't feel right.

I am sick of the way this country works. The way the world works. The people who work the hardest, who have the least amount of fun, who own the least amount of toys, are always the ones who get fucked when things go wrong.

I don't begrudge people with money their comfort. They earned it, they deserve it. As long as it was earned legitimately.

Got me a friend with loads of money and two homes - one in MA, one in FL. He busted his ass for that money and now he gets to worry less than most people. He deserves that peace of mind.

I begrudge the system. The system that makes it hard or impossible for people to get help even at a time like this when it is not their fault. They are suffering because of a once in a hundred years fluke that is completely out of their control. If society was truly civilized they would get the help they deserve. Promptly and with no questions asked.

All the partisan bullshit gets in the way. Heartless politicians whose job it is to protect the citizens, making a political football out of saving peoples' lives.

People are dying because of this. People are being broken because of this.

I will sit down tonight and I will see people crying. Tears will trickle down my cheeks as they do every time I see this. But my tears mean nothing. I am not suffering. I am empathetic.

Every tear that falls should cause debilitating pain to every heartless bastard that is standing in the way of financial relief. Each tear should drive them writhing to the ground, in waves of increasing intensity, until their pain equals the pain of the people they are deliberately harming.

I don't want to watch the news tonight. It will be depressing. It will bring me down. I don't want to watch it. But I will.

And I will see tears.