Accuracy Counts, Doc

Got a 2:00 pm appointment with the radiologist, so I am keeping my mind occupied this morning.

Today is the day they GPS my prostate. They fire up a CT scan and map out the exact location and exact size of my prostate. This is so when they zap me they don't miss and accidentally destroy my liver.

I don't need any help with that. I can do it all by myself.

Most likely this is not a big deal today but, still, I am nervous. It is fear of the unknown, something I will have to get used to.

I will be nervous at the first session of radiation, having no clue what to expect. I will be nervous after that session, having no clue what side effects to expect.

Eventually it will become routine - 45 goddamn sessions of routine.

Today also involves fear of humilation. Will I have to wear a johnnie? I fucking hate those things. I firmly believe they were designed to humiliate patients. 

There was a time when I would enjoy showing off my ass to the lovely nurses and attendants. Now it is a form of torture - cruel and inhuman punishment. Still, I enjoy that too.

I might be able to avoid that - when I had the bone scan done all I had to do was take off my belt and lay my wallet on a table. I had $1400 in my wallet that went missing while I was in the machine, but it was worth it - the bone scan dude let me drink before the procedure. Bless his soul.

I'd do a shot today before I leave the house except for the fact I have to drink 16 ounces of water. An ounce and a half of whiskey might push my bladder beyond its limits.

However, after the appointment...........................

A CT scan is a high resolution X-ray, a bone scan machine is a nuclear imaging machine - so I really don't know what to expect. 

Dignity vs an exposed ass. We shall see.

I believe today we are going to set a date for radiation to start, and set up a schedule for the 45 visits. Thankfully, according to a conversation I had with a person in the radiologist's office, they schedule every appointment at the same time of day. That keeps things simple.

I don't, however, know this for a fact - communication has been less than efficient up to this point. I have learned to go with the flow.

I will meditate this morning, memorize, read a little James Clear - keep my mind occupied, keep my nerves under control.

Part of the anxiety is this feels like the beginning of the real deal. Bippity bopping back and forth to Concord, slipping in and out of a radiation machine. Once I get used to it, I'll probably be licking an ice cream cone in the radiation machine.

Until then, my mind will attack my nerves. I will attack my mind in a pro-active form of self-defense.

Life is such a bizarre existence. You literally never know what is waiting for you around the corner.

Sunshine or poison?

As my man Tony Soprano used to say (my go to quote when I want to minimize anything) - "What are you gonna do?"