21 Grams

"The soul needs love as urgently as the body needs air. In the warmth of love, the soul can be itself. All the possibilities of your human destiny are asleep in your soul. You are here to realize and honor these possibilities."

John O'Donahue

The concept of "the soul"fascinates me. I don't see the soul as a physical or metaphysical thing. I see it as the pure essence of who you are. 

A scientist in 1907 - Duncan MacDougall conducted an experiment that attempted to measure the mass lost by a human when the soul departed the body. He placed the beds of fatally ill patients on an industrial sized scale and weighed them before they died and again right at the moment of death. He concluded the soul weighs 21 grams.

Suprisingly his "experiment" was considered flawed and unscientific because he only weighed six patients and only one of them lost 21 grams. But the 21 gram thing has become an urban myth. 

The point is that there is a fascination with the idea of the existence of a soul, because a soul offers the hope of eternal life.

My "pure essence" point of view is no less mysterious in my mind because I believe most peoples' essence gets buried under a massive pile of bullshit as they go through life. Every defense you put up, every adjustment you make to minimize wounds and lessen pain covers up another part of who you truly are.

At some point you become nothing more than an actor, projecting a personality that suffices to minimize your exposure as a human being. You don't even realize that you have suffocated your soul. This is why I often refer to myself as the Al Pacino of lost souls. I have perfected a persona that I slip into effortlessly, even if I try not to do it.

This is what blows me away. I have been doing it for so long that I can't stop it. As I trudge from the parking garage to work I am still me. But as soon as I set foot in that office and one person says anything at all to me - BOOM - I am "nice guy Joe" (kind of like Nice Guy Eddie in Reservoir Dogs, only completely different).

The persona is the nice guy shit, spiced with a hint of insanity, irreverence and darkness and twisted humor - which is interesting because those are true aspects of my essence - but it is all covered over with a sickeningly sweet coat of armor. Trust me, sickeningly sweet is not my nature.

I do not think my approach to life is unique. I think the majority of people do the same thing. Although I would put my acting chops up against yours any day - I kick ass, and I deserve an Oscar every day as well as the Screen Actors Guild Life Achievement Award.

The sad thing is that the soul is lost. You are lost. So to get back to John O'Donahue's quote, I believe that love is the key to liberating the soul. "In the warmth of love, the soul can be itself."

I think you gotta love yourself. If you love yourself, anything is possible. But I think loving yourself is a more difficult process than it should be because life forces you into situations that suck the life out of you - jobs you hate, a lifestyle that you hate, rules you gotta follow that you don't believe in.

How can you love yourself if you are living someone else's life?

I hold out hope that if you are loved by someone else, that too may serve to liberate you. If another person's love is strong and true enough it might be enough to help you to realize yourself.

"All the possibilites of your human destiny are asleep in your soul. You are here to realize and honor these possibilities."

In other words, all your potential, everything you can and should be, is asleep in your soul.That is why love is so important. When your soul is awakened, your life begins. 

Love is the magic that awakens your soul.

I feel my soul. If I shed tears of happiness or sadness they come directly from my soul. Tears are honest.

I feel my soul awakening. It is shaking off some of the slime it has been mired in for decades, and taking a look around.

I have love from family, love from friends, and the beginnings of self love.

Pretty heady stuff, baby.