Letting Go

Carol is a difficult person to live with.

She is extremely opinionated and very outspoken. That is potentially a deadly combination.

She falls into a category I call GOP - Grotesquely Opinionated People. She has opinions about everything.

None of this is bad. She is a thinker and she has balls. It's just that living with it 24/7 can be challenging.

I am the opposite kind of character - I have selective opinions. Strong, but selective. There is just a lot of stuff I just don't give a shit about. I am pretty laid back.

I have tried various tactics over the years to deal with her. At one time I would just agree with everything she said. But it didn't feel right. I was agreeing verbally to things I was opposed to.

The next phase was combative. I felt I had to speak up every time I disagreed with her opinions. Which was often - we are very different people. I found I was always tensed up, looking for a fight. It wasn't worth the stress. I gave her attitude, she responded with attitude - it wasn't pretty.

Lately I have been letting things go. I don't agree, I don't argue - I just let it be.

Why not? It is an enormous waste of time for me to make an issue out of something that is so small in the overall scheme of things.

If I think I can agree with her without compromising my soul - I do it. If I feel that she is on the wrong track I try to let it go. Say nothing. Unless it is something I feel strongly about - then I speak up.

As a result I have carved out a larger slice of peace for my soul. And I have noticed that our relationship is better - we talk more, we laugh more, we agree more.

I also appreciate Carol more. I see her with clarity - I appreciate her more for who she is instead of judging her for who she is. It is also worth noting that, with maximum effort, she might even find things about me that she doesn't worship. So..................

Such a small adjustment providing such a positive result. It's these little things that I am focusing on in my life - don't sweat the small stuff is very good advice.

I look to James Clear for advice on how to improve my life. His overriding philosophy is baby steps. Don't overwhelm yourself. No matter what kind of change you are shooting for, try to achieve a 1% improvement every day or every time out. Consistency counts. He covers creativity, decision-making, motivation, habits, life lessons etc.

I think that type of approach works for emotional/personal stuff too. It is a very small decision for me to be consciously more accepting of Carol as a human being, but it has paid great dividends. 

It also ties in to the philosophy of one of the guides I listen to in meditation. His approach is that if you free up your mind, you end up responding to people and situations rather than reacting to them. That is an important distinction.

I am responding to Carol, which I see as a very human, empathetic thing, rather than reacting to her, which tends to be confrontational.

I am changing my life in big ways, I am changing it in small ways. I have cast a big net, indulging myself in a variety of different approaches to freeing up my mind. I have noticed lately that somehow all the things I am doing are beginning to come together; that one thing leads to another and all of it leads to contentment. And peace.

I am intuititively doing all the right things.

One of which is sitting in my recliner at night and laughing together with Carol.