Further Proof Of Change

I have thrown the word "change" around here for years.

So much so that it is meaningless. Need to change, gotta change, want to change, change to survive, change my evil ways, change, change, change.

You think I am full of shit. After all, I am a word guy. Words guys use words, worship them, throw them around blissfully, but don't necessarily live up to the philosophies, complaints, thoughts and ideas they propose.

I am he. I love to use words in a way that suits my soul, yet I have been unable to live up to the things I desire and propose.

Until 2014.

Change is upon me. I am working at it and making it happen. Of course you say "Jesus, Joe, what's the big deal? You have done nothing earth shattering."

I understand. What is important to me means nothing to you. What is meaningful to me is laughable to you.

That is the human condition.

I am going to see a shrink on Monday morning.

Never done this before, don't know what to expect. I do know I need it. At least need to try it.

What have I got to lose? All the mind boggling success I have achieved so far in my life?

Looking forward to it. Gonna be brutally honest with the guy. I will hide nothing, I will lie about nothing.

Hoping I can drive him into therapy with the twisted misconceptions that dominate my brain.

That could be fun. That could be one goal.

OR

I could look to evolve. To better understand myself, to get the weaponry I need to fight back against this diseased brain I have been carrying around in my skull for sixty years.

I am exploring every avenue I can to improve my life, to better appreciate my family and friends and to have fun.

For Christ sake all I want to do is have fun, be happy and get me some peace.

I am going to see a shrink on Monday morning.

If you need any more evidence than that, that I am changing, that I am all in to create or get to the real Joe, then you are a cretin.