The Planting Has Begun

On Tuesday before Memorial Day Weekend I planted flowers in Carol's Glorious Garden.

The first flowers, the first anything, I have ever planted in my life.

I looked forward to getting down on my knees in the dirt and spiritualizing with nature. Unfortunately on that particular day the deal was not quite that romantic.

Black flies were literally swarming us as I planted and Carol supervised. Intent to meditate turned into let's get this over with ASAP and get the hell inside. So my anticipated pleasure turned into expediency.

Still I felt like I had done something.

A week later we went back out and spread the flowers out. In my haste I had buried them too close together and Carol was concerned they would not bloom healthily. Accepting her counsel as gospel because she is the Goddess of the Garden, I dug them up, spread them out and re-planted them.

This is when I noticed an emotional connection. Spiritual, mayhaps. I was paranoid about getting too close to the roots when I dug them back up. So concerned that I might sever them and destroy their beauty before I had a chance to nurture it.

Of course Carol encouraged me to be bold and the re-planting was accomplished.

Amazing how peaceful it can be to stand in the hot sun next to a garden, hose in hand, tending to the needs of living things.

Poetic as my sensibilities tend to be, I feel a tenderness towards these plants. They are alive. They depend on me to keep them that way. In return they will give me beauty.

And peace.

That is a pretty good trade-off.

For those who demand details, I planted five flowers - three of one, two of another. Known as: Gaura, which "produces large clumps of willowy leaves and quantities of tall, airy flower spikes, each individual white blossom tinged with pink."

And

Salvia, which is part of a "huge family that not only includes some of the all-time favorite flowering plants, but several culinary herbs as well..................When you move into the perennial forms of salvia, the pre-dominant flower color changes from red to brilliant blue." These are the ones I planted.

By the way these descriptions, cribbed from "The Big Book of Flowers", remind me of the fiction on the labels of wine bottles.

Here is the important thing. I am involved in a new pursuit. Something I never would have considered a short time ago. Something to relax me, focus me, and give me peace; relief from the hellish nightmare inaccurately described as "working for a living."

I am changing. Those who pay attention know that I am changing in other ways. Primarily in the determination to make family stuff happen and to be present mentally when it does, burning the memories into my heart, mind and soul.

My hope is that change will melt away some of the scabs off my heart and drain some of the poison from my blood.

Long term, I am not sure. I have committed a life time so far to negativity and suffering. Could be like trying to turn a cruise ship around.

Right now I feel good. Good about what I am doing. Good about where I am going.

I have babbled endlessly in these pages, for years, about change. I feel now that I am actually doing it.

Perhaps now you will have more faith in my words.