Weddings, Man

Weddings are boring.

For the most part. Except for the booze. Especially if there is an open bar. Even if it is a limited open bar. For an hour or two. At least you can slop up to the bar and drink on somebody else's tab for a while.

Most people think they drink at weddings as a form of celebration. I think they drink because they know they will be, or already are, bored.

Weddings highlight the complete lack of originality on the part of the majority of humans.

It starts at the ceremony itself. Whether it is a priest or a J.P., you get the same old cliches about love and couples against the world. The same old poems, the same old songs, the same old references.

Marriage should be a source of originality. When you marry, you are escaping your parents authoritarian rule. You are striking out on your own and establishing your own unique lifestyle.

In this situation you should dig deep. For the poetry, the quotes, and the songs that reflect exactly who you are. Whether it is Charles Bukowski, Keats, the Beatles, Sinatra, Oscar Wilde or Pee Wee Herman you should express yourself exactly as you please and opinions be damned.

This rarely happens. Because the whole thing has become so ritualized.

The reception provides relief because self medication is encouraged. However even that is not enough to combat the announcing of the wedding party, the introduction of the new couple, the toasts, the cutting of the cake, the throwing of the bouquet, the garter ritual.

Everything so strictly choreographed and the reactions so predictable that if you close your eyes you are at every wedding ever committed.

Here's the catch.

Hope. The enticing prospect of a happy future.

Fortunately every couple is able to ignore divorce statistics and assume their love will conquer all.

We were at a wedding Friday night where the bride never stopped looking into the groom's eyes during the ceremony. She never stopped smiling. With her lips or her eyes.

I was mesmerized by her devotion. The sheer power of that love, that optimism, that hope was not to be ignored or denied.

And why not?

I guess that is what is at the heart of every marriage. A chance for humanity to be renewed.

We older folk could sit back cynically and think "Just wait, children. Wait and see how life knocks you around and disappoints you and gives you money problems and hideous diseases."

But what would be the point of that?

I think in part that silence on the part of the ancient wise ones also reflects a secret wish that hope can be renewed. That life ain't over and it can still be defeated and made to kneel in supplication before peace and happiness.

Some of the ritual can truly be dug. Daddy dancing with his daughter, Mama dancing with her son, the couple's first dance. These are deeply meaningful and emotional. They signal a change in the wind, a passing of life into a new phase for all involved.

Weddings could be much more fun if people would just express themselves honestly. The problem with that might be at that age that a lot of people don't know who they are yet.

I accept and understand that. But at least give it a shot. Do something that will blow peoples' minds, inspiring them to say "Where the hell did that come from?"

Still, the hope thing, the possibility, the love and disregard for statistics, that is what is at the heart of these boring affairs.

That ain't no small thing.