What I Love About Lying Awake At 2:30 On A Friday Morning

As follows:

Lying next to my amazing wife Carol. The woman who has lain next to me in bed for 36 years. More than half of a lifetime at this point. Listening to her breathe. She sleeps easy. Falls asleep within five minutes of crawling into bed. Always has. If she gets up to visit the bathroom at 3:00 a.m. she is asleep by 3:07. This drove me crazy for a very long time because of my naturally jealous and petty nature. I would lie there thinking why the hell does she get to sleep so easy while my brain tortures me to insomnia. Now I listen to the rhythm of her breathing and I smile. Why shouldn't she sleep well. She deserves it.

Lakota. Lakota who sleeps next to me always. On the edge of the bed facing the sliders. If I am sleeping on my left side she is leaning up against my belly. If I am reversed she is up against my thighs. Breathing quietly. Purring loudly when I stir her. I visit the bathroom and she has shifted. Lying across my side of the bed. I pick her ass up and swing it around so she is once again parallel to the edge of the bed. This does not disturb her. She doesn't flinch or get up. I move her ass, the front of her stays where it is, we settle in again, we sleep. Amazing.

Maka. Maka the roamer. Sometimes she sleeps between my feet when I am on my back, sometimes she lies by my side. 95% of the time she curls up behind Carol's knees. She is a doll. I listen to her wheeze/breathe, I listen to her clean herself if she has been disturbed. She is a giant happiness giver for one so small.

If my brain is relentless and 2:30 becomes 4:30, the birds join us. They start singing in the dark. All around us. They sing the sun to rise. Beautiful. If there is a breeze the trees swing lazily to the beat and make a gentle sound.

I used to hate lying awake at night. Felt bitter, in full knowledge that I would be exhausted on that day. It doesn't matter so much any more. I am tired all the time anyway. I don't fight it now. I lie peacefully digging the fact that Carol can sleep well no matter what after all these years of living with a raving lunatic, knowing the cats sleep well because of the peace, protection and love that we give them. Digging the delicate beauty of birds who rise early and offer up beauty in the dark. Digging the decision we made 28 years ago to move to this beautiful town where the wind rustles the trees, inspiring them to whisper to me in the dark - "be gentle with yourself, seek peace."

Being awake at 2:30 in the morning ain't no different than being awake at 2 in the afternoon if you know what to appreciate.