After I gave my notice at work on Friday I emailed Carol to let her know the deed was done.
Shortly after that she forwarded an email to me that we got from the Capitol Center for the Arts (my new job and a place we get regular emails from). The email spelled out the new stricter Covid guidelines the CCA is adopting.
I responded that this issue is something I was worrying about, but that I made the decision to change jobs and we would deal with whatever fallout came with it.
She immediately got back to me and said (I am paraphrasing): "Entertainment venues are adopting stricter Covid guidelines everywhere, there will be no more shutdowns because people will not stand for it and businesses cannot afford it. This is a safe move, the right move, you made the right decision. This is a time for celebration, not for worry! You are moving on to bigger and better things. Enjoy it!"
I got tears in my eyes.
She knows that I don't know how to be happy. Sounds silly but it is true. It is rare that I can enjoy a moment of pure happiness; I always taint it with self-doubt, second guessing, regret, fear, anxiety - any one of a hundred neuroses and psychoses.
That email blew me away. It shattered any negative thoughts I was having.
She is right. This is a supreme moment for me. I am leaving a job that has sucked every drop of life from my heart and soul for over two years, to go to a place where I am surrounded by music and art and theatre - creative people and sensitive souls.
When I walked in to meet with my boss, people were hugging me, telling me how happy they were to see me - a warm feeling of acceptance that immediately nourished my heart and soul instead of killing them.
I felt alive. Not dead.
Carol's email inspired me to dedicate myself to cheeriness this weekend. I decided to try to be positive and happy, especially around Carol - for four whole days. A commitment like that from me is about as realistic as expecting Jesus to commit himself to following the philosophy of the Marquis de Sade.
It has resulted in much laughter already. We were driving around doing errands yesterday and some guy driving a truck pissed me off and I immediately launched into a tirade liberally laced with profanity. Then I looked at Carol and said "That wasn't very positive". We both laughed heartily.
And that is only one example. There were others.
I got great news that I will be starting a new job in the first week of a new year. And immediately started worrying.
Carol set me straight. A simple, straight-forward, somewhat exasperated email turned me right around and I am enjoying this weekend deliciously. I am enjoying the way I feel. Hope. Happiness.
The weight that has been lifted off of my shoulders makes it difficult to keep my feet on the ground.
I love Carol so deeply.
The woman suffers from a severe perseverance disorder. At least in my case. She never gives up on me. Always trying to find ways to make me happy. To teach me how to make myself happy. To realize the good stuff that I have.
Perseverance and love.
I am one lucky dude.
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