Valuable (With Wonder)

I have been married to Carol for 43 years. Coming up on 44 in February.

I look at her with wonder.

I have only recently learned to do that in the last few years, but at least I figured it out.

I am focused on her emotionally because happiness is well within my reach now and I don't want to blow it.

This thing where she gets pleasure out of the littlest of things - Christ, she is happy 10 times a day. Up until now I have been satisfied if I get happy once a decade.

No more, though.

Up until now I have experienced happiness in a sad way. Let me explain. When I feel random moments of happiness, I immediately follow up on that by feeling sad. Not in a conscious way, which is what makes it so bad - it just happens.

My brain recognizes happiness as a foreign emotion, and gets sad because of the very fact that it is foreign.

No more, though. I won't allow it.

I am lucky to have Carol in my life to provide the ultimate example of how to enjoy life, how to appreciate the everyday happiness that surrounds us.

I study her like a lab experiment and she doesn't even know it. When she is talking happily and excitedly about something, the first thing I do is smile - many times inwardly, so she doesn't think me a cretin. That is called being in The Now - I immediately recognize her ability to be happy and I appreciate it.

Then I try to learn from her.

How can I be this way? Spontaneously? Frequently?

This is an important puzzle piece to help me make a successful transition into 2022. Everything has been laid at my feet - the recipe for happiness is on the table, baby, and I expect to cook me up a new and better life. A new and happier me.

Our relationship is so much better because of this approach - I have lightened up and recognized the fact that Carol is just naturally better than me at being happy; at enjoying life.

And she is teaching me by example.

Thank God she doesn't charge me tuition - the lesson is so valuable, I could never afford to pay for it.