Airport Security

Heard some talk in the news the other day about the possibility of increased terrorist activity.

Our response is more airport security.

Frisking more people, probably banning more objects of travel, maybe utilizing more intimidating stares.

Our concept of airport security to me is like holding a toothpick in front of your face to defend against the guy who is coming at you with a Samurai sword.

I imagine terrorists laughing at the increase in airport frenzy. They must roll around the floor in amused disbelief.

Taking your shoes off, forfeiting your tube of Sensodyne toothpaste, handing over your nail clippers; these methods seem laughable to me.

Terrorists thing big. We think small.

I want to believe that there are big things going on behind the scenes to attempt to neutralize these threats. I mean huge things, intelligent, crafty things, things that will result in the prevention of terrorist attacks, things that will punish terrorists severely and cruelly for any death and damage they may cause.

I am sure this is true but I am not cognitively aware of them because I do not have a super secret, high level security clearance.

Christ, I have to ask Carol's permission just to read the paper lest I randomly come across something my eyes are not qualified to see.

But this airport security stuff. I am baffled.

My sense of the situation is that the people who are conducting these procedures are low paid, law enforcement wannabes.

I just went to the TSA website and checked out the airport security careers section. Specifically a job with the title "Transportation Security Officer."

Duties and Responsibilities: (In part) -  "Implements security screening procedures that are central to  TSA objectives and that will serve to protect the traveling public by preventing any deadly or dangerous objects from being transported onto an aircraft."

Key Skills: (In full) - "Ability to learn the theories, dynamics and factors underlying the aviation screening process to enable authoritative and independent handling of screening functions. Ability to learn to operate basic security equipment such as X-ray machines and hand wands at screening checkpoints. Ability to work with persons of diverse backgrounds. Ability to communicate non- technical information effectively to others."

I may be wrong but I don't think these jobs should be the kind you can find listed in the Help Wanted section of the local paper.

I think maybe these people should be more like Navy Seals. Highly trained with the ability to handle complex weaponry and the intuition, based on intense training, to immediately assess people and situations accurately.

It is possible that my approach is all wrong. Maybe the airport security situation is meant to be laughable. Maybe the strategy is to amuse terrorists to take the edge off. Lower their intensity.

So they won't be looking when a drone flies up behind them and blows their heads off.