JULY 1, 2014

Today is July 1, 2014.

I am 60 and 1/2 years old today.

This disturbs me.

I began the year with lofty intent. Having just come off The Great High Blood Pressure Scare of 2013, I was living better. Broccoli and cauliflower for lunch at work, extra minimal consumption of whiskey, trying to exercise regularly although my goddamn job bounces me all over the map schedule-wise and makes exercising viciously erratic (Excuse #1).

Since then I have back slid a bit. Not eating as healthy, gained a couple of pounds, still exercising erratically and whiskey has crept back into my life. Not at floodwater levels but, still, in a manner that is not conducive to serene mental health.

I am not doing horribly but I am not hitting it out of the park either.

All that is human, I guess. Weakness. Lack of focus. We all suffer from these things. This is why the human race is so petty and underachieving.

The job is the thing, though. I am convinced the job contributed 90% to the high BP result. I am desperate to get out of this thing and yet still I am trapped.

The job is the biggest single source of misery in my life and it is compromising my personal life, my health, my mental welfare and my very ability to survive (Rationalization #1).

If on January 1, 2015 I am still wearing a ridiculous purple shirt and a name tag, I will wake up with a full throated scream of horror.

That is all I'm going to say about that.

BUT

On the other hand, I welcome July 1, 2014.

Personally, I have grabbed 2014 by the balls and forced it to deliver to me fun. April was good, May was better, June was great and now it is July 1.

(Message to July - I am going to jump on your back and ride you like a pissed off bull right to the bell. You will not buck me off and mega-fun will be experienced throughout the ride.)

I am working on July 4th which is stupid, but which I allowed to happen so I am not justified in whining about it.

However, 7/05 and 7/06 cruise fun highway. The fifth - party and supreme fireworks display put on by a mere citizen to rival any professional display. 7/06 - barbecue with two looney birds that we love.

So you see, the Fun Bus continues to roll along.

Here is where I am at. This is what I realize. I changed my personal life just by trying. Got events rolling along that swept up my family and brought us great, simple pleasures.

But the job continues to poison me. No matter how much joy I experience outside that hell hole, I cannot maintain the serenity when I am inside it. And commuting to it and fleeing from it.

If I can make my personal life more satisfying through effort, the message is that I can make my professional life more satisfying through effort.

I am not giving up here on July 1, 2014.

I am just a little more antsy.