Monday, July 21, 2014

The Tank Ain't Empty (Just A Small Leak)

I got a million things to write about and nothing to say.

The mind is a fascinating thing. I keep a notebook and 476 scraps of paper around the house with ideas to write about.

Something strikes me in a certain way, I scribble it down and get to it when I can.

Of course every idea seems like a good one and I rarely have trouble coming up with something to say. As you have noticed.

But sometimes I sit here with these scraps of inspiration and nothing clicks. The mind ain't focused, or the emotions are left of center or the creative juices have run dry.

Could be I am distracted. Got a lot going on.

My boss is trying to screw me. Idiot is going on vacation in a couple of weeks and there is nobody available to cover for her. She is happy leaving me to work 10 fifteen hour days in a row. She would actually like that, cold hearted as she is. But I am fighting back. Hard.

My dream is to find a job this week and give my notice on Friday. This would make my last day of employment the day before she leaves for Florida.

That would be chocolate coated karma.

I am conducting a massive job search but my heart warns me that ain't nobody hiring a 60 year old relic. Still I gotta try. Busting free of this horrendous job is Directive #1 for 2014.

By the way, some have warned me not to write about Idiot Boss in here lest she discover this blog and read the poison truth. My perspective is as follows: We have cameras in the store. They are there for security. IB uses them to spy on her co-workers. I know this. So when I am alone in the store I flip her off every chance I get.

I am fairly certain she knows where I stand.

A brief aside - I hate my job so severely that every time I walk by my little purple costume draped over the door of the armoire, I flip it off.

I am seeing the shrink and hoping for epiphany. I enjoy these sessions so much that last week, when I had to cancel because of my scumjob, I felt lost. I was pining away for the shrink. How bizarre is that?

I wasn't really pining away but it did feel like something was missing. I am beginning to rely on him. Maybe I could get him to live my life for me. That would be a tremendous relief.

My neck has been bothering me consistently. Pinched nerve relapse. I wake up with a sore neck. I am stretching the bejeezus out of it every day just to tread water. Chiro Man wants me to come in more often, again. But at fifty five bucks a pop that ain't happening.

I need whiskey money, don't you know.

I am helping a friend on a campaign, acting as his speech writer. I am good at this, I enjoy it and I hope it leads to something. I am always hoping something leads to something.

This is cool, though. I don't get much chance to flex my word muscles outside these walls. It is enjoyable to take his words and craft and mold them into killer communication.

Still, it takes time.

I am toiling to enjoy this summer. Been fairly successful so far. But today is July 21 and I feel I have caught a lull. Gotta fire up the inspiration machine and suck my loved ones back into the 2014 Summer Of Fun vortex.

There is danger in trying. I am trying all sorts of things to reshape my life. But the things you do have to make sense. You can kid yourself that you are doing all the right things when in reality you are doing all the wrong things.

All motion is not fruitful motion.

But hell, what do I know? Given a track record of decades of complacency, I feel good about any effort at all.

Which reminds me - You say to someone "good to see you." They say "At my age it is good to be seen."

Such a cliché. Keith Richards says it all the time. He could do so much better than that.

We'll have to have a chat.

Anyway, I got a lot on my mind and I can't seem to focus today.

I gotta find something to write about.

What the hell can I write about?

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