Everything Was Perfect

"Everything was perfect because everything was allowed to just be."

I woke up this morning with that sentence in my head.

At first I admired it because I liked the sound of it. Then I began to wonder why my brain, working through sleep, focused on those words.

As I push to change in 2014 so I can get a glimpse of my real life, turbulence ensues. I have been quite vocal in what I want, what I am trying to do. Being vocal as part of an overall attempt to change the vibe.

This sort of honesty invites opinions.

And advice.

Everybody has advice to  give. Which is ironic because there are very few people in the world who are not crazy in the head.

An incredibly small per centage of the human race is qualified to give advice.

To an extent, I appreciate some of the advice. It can be helpful to get another perspective. Especially when you are desperate.

Desperation is not a solid basis for making life changing decisions.

Then again, as I view the words I just wrote, my emotions ask - why not? Why not use desperation as a motivator?

If you are that unhappy there is no time for incremental change. Decisions made from desperation result in explosive change.

I have noticed that some advice focuses on huge weaknesses in my character. This advice is painful.

I believe there is good intent involved, but when somebody offers advice that is really deep seated criticism of flaws in your makeup......................it hurts pretty good.

It is also a form of braggadocio on the advice givers part; insinuating that they are so much stronger than you.

"Everything was perfect because everything was allowed to just be."

I'm thinking my life would have flowed harmoniously if I was allowed to just be. To evolve naturally. If I allowed myself to just be.

I am easily swayed by the court of public opinion, and this is my downfall. Now that I am fighting for my life I am attracting more public opinion. And while I am looking for help the defense mechanisms set in to minimize the pain.

Logic becomes contorted.

It feels (hopefully this is not wishful thinking) that I am at a crossroads. It feels like if I keep my fists up I may get to the gorgeous tropical island of existence I have always dreamed of.

Me.

I guess I have to weather the storm. I don't think any of the advice givers are trying to hurt me.

If I can pick and choose the advice, handle my emotions and defenses, maybe I will get to the point where I can just be.