The Strangest Thing

It was the strangest thing yesterday as I made my way inexorably, ever so slowly, through my 37 hour, seven hour day.

My bones dissolved. Not completely; I was able to crawl my way out the door at 6 o'clock, but I was more akin to a sack of jello than I was to a human being. Wobbly is an understatment. Apparently as the day wore on and the sheer stupidity of me being there ate away at me, the cancer that is my job almost killed me.

Barely made it home, gripping the steering wheel with Gumby-like hands, fighting hard to avoid slumping over to my right. What an adventure.

I poured myself into the recliner and dozed my way off and on through the night, crawled upstairs to bed and here I am today.

Almost whole. I can stand upright, I can walk. This is a great start to my four day weekend. Four motherfucking days.

Today I must compartmentalize. I must. All I want to do is stay in this house with Carol & The Cats for 4 days and try to find myself. Soothe myself. Infuse my bloodstream with Peace.

BUT - I am going to a concert with my brother tonight. The Tedeschi Trucks Band. This is meaningful to me. Derek Trucks played with The Allman Brothers Band for around 15 years. He was a child prodigy - you can find pictures of him playing guitar with Dickie Betts when he was just a little child. Derek is also the nephew of Butch Trucks, one of the founding fathers of the Allman Brothers.

He is a fabulous guitarist. The concert is at a venue in Gilford NH - one of my favorite venues in the world. Carol and I have seen Willie Nelson there, Linda Ronstadt, Crosby, Stills & Nash, James Taylor and many more. I have seen the Allman Brothers there. It is a beautiful place with a great vibe.

My brother Ed and I are going out to dinner, then going to the concert. He graciously agreed to do all the driving. I am getting so little sleep that I would not trust myself driving over an hour home late at night. All I have to do is drive 1/2 hour to Concord, park my car, climb into Ed's car and go. Then 1/2 hour drive at the end of the night.

I know tonight will be spectacular. I know it. Ed and I never hang together like this. Dinner will be an opportunity to talk, the concert will be an opportunity to lose ourselves in the magic of the moment. Digging a spectacular band.

I need to put aside my anger, frustration, self-loathing and natural inclination to wallow in depression. I just need to have fun. I will have fun. I know I will.

I love my brother. I truly do. This will be a special night. I am going to put my best foot forward, try to relax, and enjoy myself.

Tomorrow I can begin the business of putting myself back together again.

Thankfully I won't have to worry about my bones dissolving this weekend. I am in a supportive environment that does not grind the life out of me. Got Carol, The Cats, Ed, food and music.

I think I'm on the right track here.