This Is How My Fucking Life Works

Jesus, you're such an asshole.

Nice night last night. Good conversation with Ed traveling to and fro, great dinner (steak tips all around because we are Men, not boys) and a spectacular concert.

Talent of a virtuosic nature on display. Explosively good. Derek Trucks and Susan Tedeschi (husband and wife) are enormous talents. Trucks is a guitar God, Tedeschi is pretty fucking talented herself. The entire band is talented beyond belief. Beautiful summer night, a little whiskey, magic music - what the hell else can I ask for?

3 days of peace, love and understanding, for Christ sake. That's all I wanted.

I get home at 12:45. Carol is in bed but watching Saturday night live. I cannot go right to sleep so I decide to go downsairs and sip some whiskey. Before I do, I freshen up the cats' water bowl (the water pressure was low out of the faucet) and go to the bathroom. The toilet flushed once and gives up. No more flushing. I go to the sink, turn the faucet - no fucking water. At 1:00 am I find out we have no fucking running water in the house.

So there you have it. We have no running water. Called a couple of plumbers, found one with emergency service. We've used him before. $450 flat fee (don't forget - today is July 3rd), $250/hour after that starting the minute the guy leaves his home, which is not in Henniker, by the way.

$700 right off the motherfucking bat. We expected this. On Tuesday it will cost $300, and $125/hour after that. So we are experimenting. Trying to live without water. Exactly the way we had hoped to spend the rest of the weekend.

I bought 10 gallons of water for flushing purposes - for now. Paper plates, plastic utensils - I will barbecue every meal to minimize dirty pots and pans. Brushing our teeth with bottled water, washing up with bottled water.

Bathing will be challenging. I am kind of excited. It is fucking hot. I plan to get as dirty, and sweaty and rancid and funky as I can - including greazzzzy hair. Maybe go to work like that on Wednesday. The job deserves no better.

So there you have it. My plan was to rest, get some health, nurture a new perspective. Instead we are living like prehistoric man. I am furious.

But I am going to stick to my commitment to feed off of Carol's positive attitude. I'm gonna try. That is the only thing that will get me through this without breaking every bone in a stranger's face.

You suck, Jesus. Your sense of humor is pure, unadulterated bullshit.

P.S. - If you actually exist and I somehow make it to heaven, I take back everything I just said.

Love you, man.