Just Do It

Read an article in Time yesterday about attachment parenting. That's the deal where mom nurses her kid until he's 18, allows him to sleep in her bed, gives up her full time job and essentially never leaves his side, encouraging him to continue calling her Mommy well into his 50's. It's a school of thought that is an overreaction to the "let your kid cry himself to sleep" school of thought.
Both schools of thought suck.
Letting your kid scream in his crib is barbaric. Babies communicate by crying. How the hell else are they going to talk to you? When you get tired, when you don't feel good, when you're unhappy, you get a little snippy, a little short, a little sarcastic. You act like a baby. Except a baby has a better excuse - he doesn't know why he feels the way he does. You do. And you can express your feelings, however maturely or immaturely you do it. He doesn't know why he's cold, he doesn't know why his stomach hurts, he doesn't know what that sound is and he can't ask you. So he cries.
Pick the damn kid up. You won't spoil him. You will heal him. He will feel loved, safe and protected. These are not bad things.
The flip side is attachment parenting. You can smother your kid with love. Or what you define as love. You can smother him with attention. This does spoil him.
The kid does not need to be nursed until he gets his first motorcycle license. He doesn't need you to hold him 24 hours a day. He doesn't have to sleep with you every night.
We make everything hard in this country.
You want to know how to be a good parent?
Love your kid. Love him genuinely, regard him with the awe he deserves, guide him gently. Use common sense.
When we brought #1 son home from the hospital, we put his car seat with him in it on the couch and looked at each other and said "What do we do now?"
Because you are a rookie and you feel this overwhelming burden, this responsibility to make sure everything is alright.
We quickly figured out that if the kid wasn't crying, he was happy. When he cried, we loved him. Changed him, fed him, held him; loved him. Loved him when he wasn't crying too but there were times when we left him to his own devices, let him entertain himself, explore the world with fresh eyes.
Carol fed him on demand. Not on a schedule. Somehow we figured out that he was a human, not an animal. How would you feel if you got home from work STARVING and your wife said "Supper will be ready in three hours and there is no other food in the house."
You would bolt out of the house to the nearest Cumbys and snag yourself a sack of Funyons and chow those bad boys down before you made it back home.
Your kid cannot bolt to Cumbys.
Do unto your kid as you would have him do unto you.
We over analyze everything. We need to leave the natural things alone. Being a parent is natural, and if you listen to your kid and listen to your heart, it will all just flow.
People who need textbooks to be a parent are the same people who need the "how to use box handles" directions on the sides of Avon boxes.