Monday, May 14, 2012

Miller Lite Punch Top Can

Please.
When Miller Lite came out with the "tastes great, less filling ad" in the early 70's it was cool. It was a whole new approach to beer drinking and beer marketing and it was cool. People began swilling Miller Lite by the gallon even though it was essentially swill.
America is a marketing driven consumer economy.
But the ads were fun. They were entertainment.
Things have degenerated considerably since then.
Coors Light with the blue mountain thing. You know you're beer is cold when the mountains on the label turn blue.
I have been drinking beer since 1969 and I ALWAYS know when my beer is cold. I don't need anyone to tell me and I don't need a gimmick. I am the cooler packing champion of the world. I have awards. I have testimonials.
Now Miller Lite has the punch top can. After you pop open the beer, you punch another hole in the top, courtesy of another itty bitty tab, so you can achieve a smoother pour.
I don't know if you have to buy a special second tab hole punching device - it wouldn't surprise me - or if you can just jam your house key in there.
Let me tell you something. People who drink Miller Lite don't know the difference between a smoother pour and a tsunami. In fact, they don't give a good goddamn about a smoother pour.
They just want to drink as much beer as quickly as possible. They don't care if it flows over their chin and soaks their T-shirt to their chest, as long as they can inhale the maximum amount of beer in the shortest amount of time.
The thing is, the people who buy these cans will be standing around at parties trying to look cool and lecturing on how amazing this beer can technological development is.
This is why marketing in this country is a multi-billion dollar enterprise.
Because people dig the sizzle over the steak.
I would love to know what the annual sales of Natty Light are in this country. If you factor out the alcoholic effects of the failing economy, and arrive at pure sales figures for people who buy Natty for the exquisite taste, I believe the results would be frightening. And an accurate indicator of the level of discrimination, taste-wise, the average beer consumer in America displays.
Pretty soon these beer companies will come up with a can that you can drink. Something that is triggered by the temperature of the beer remaining in the can. As the beer warms up, the can begins to melt.
So you are motivated to drink the beer quickly so you can then consume the can.
Of course the marketing campaign will be aimed at providing the beer consumer with maximum satisfaction. It will have absolutely nothing to do with stimulating sales.
P.T. Barnum - Nobody ever lost money underestimating the intelligence of the American public.
That mantra is timeless and the centerpiece of the marketing world.

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