Friday, November 9, 2012

I Got Your TV Right Here

I have a strange relationship with TV.

People who pretentiously tell me they don't own a TV piss me off. They puff out their chests and take that condescending pseudo intellectual approach that suggests they are above such mindless pursuits. These are probably the same people who have a screen burn on their face from spending countless hours in front of the computer drooling over porn and voting in every top ten list the internet has to offer.

Don't get me wrong. I get the message. TV is a drug for a huge number of people. People who limp home from work, grab a pork chop and a bottle of whiskey and spend the next six hours staring at the eerie light. There is a lot of stupidity on TV and a lot of people who lap it up.

Not having TV is too drastic. You can find intelligent things on the tube, things that challenge and inform you, if you put in the effort. Morgan Freeman currently hosts a show on the science channel called Through The Wormhole. We are talking heavy duty stuff. Some of the episodes are titled: Did We Invent God? Will Eternity End? Mysteries of The Subconscious. Can We Eliminate Evil? What Is Nothing?

You can see where I am going. I had to clench my brain to get through these shows, really anchor it down, so I could focus and allow different thinking to seep in. Honestly there were plenty of times when my mind was so abused that it drifted and I had to rewind to get back in the flow.

But it was worth it.

I have only watched a few of these shows and now as I am writing about it I am re-committed to getting back to it. Apparently I was distracted by Kim Kardashian's on line diary.

Even if the only things that light up your TV screen are sports and movies, you are still ahead of the game. At least these are diversions, they allow escape from brutal existence, they don't make you stupid.

Still, I do waste a lot of time with TV. I do watch stupid things, I get sucked in when I am bone tired and life weary. Sprawled in My Magnificent Recliner with the pork chop and the whiskey, pissing away the very limited time I have left on this planet to drive Carol crazy.

In our defense I will say that we watch a lot of MSNBC. Many weeknights it will be on from five to eleven. That's good for the brain and I am proud of that.

Also Bill Maher on Friday nights. We are devotees. Excellent brain food and hearty laughter. I feel like a kindergarten child who has flunked out when I listen to him.

My impressions of TV also come from a different angle.

When I drive home at night in the dark I like to look into other peoples' houses.

Before you recoil in horror, no I am not  voyeur. Although I certainly would not look away from a wild display of lust and experimentation in somebody's picture window. Of course the problem is that I am driving by and would only have a one second view. But the memory could entertain me for weeks.

But I digress.

I look into other peoples' houses because I am fascinated with the idea that every house has lives unwinding in it and those people have relatives and friends and it all stretches out into eternity and I don't know one of those people. Yet they are living and struggling and working and budgeting and fighting and making up and laughing and crying just like I am.

If I see somebody at a window washing dishes, I am struck by the sameness of the task. And I wonder who they are and what they are thinking, I wonder if they are happy and financially comfortable or if they are broken and afraid.

The one constant in almost every house is an over sized TV. The goddamn thing illuminates the room. No other light is needed in the house, the TV is the sole source, like the sun. It takes away from the life-ness of my thoughts. This monster sits on the wall and all worship before it. It dominates the room and draws my eye to it as well as the eyes of the inhabitants. I envision a day when the TV will extend outside the house and neighbors will bring lawn chairs over to watch whatever entertainment is being shown on  the screen within a screen portion of that part of the TV.

It feels to me like these giants take away from the rustic, life being lived feel that inspires me.

Here's the irony.

I am desperately seeking money. Fighting to rearrange my life into success so I can afford things.

And when I get there I am going to buy the biggest goddamn TV my eyes and my house can handle so I can bask in the glow of THE PATS and The Godfather. And if my house cannot accommodate the size my ego requires, I will add on an addition.

So that someday some sensitive dude can drive by my house and shake his head in disgust at my shallowness.

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