Sunday, November 4, 2012

Strange Things

I do strange things sometimes but they are entirely necessary.
I was driving to work yesterday and I felt like I was going to explode.
I have been feeling hemmed in recently, trapped in chains and dying dreams, supremely frustrated and blindly lost.
It is a physical thing when I get backed into this corner. I was squirming in my truck feeling like someone else was driving it against my will, transporting me to a nightmarish hell I could never have imagined as a hope filled teenager.
The sensation builds as my mind evaluates and considers and looks back; frustration builds as my life looms large right in front of my eyes mocking me, not even challenging me. Giving the perception that maybe there is no answer and this is all there ever will be.
It builds in intensity because I know there is an answer and I cannot see it. I cannot see it because my vision is skewed.
I know there is an answer because this life that I am "living" is so foreign to me that I look at myself like a stranger.
I am not resigned to this reality. I know there is a true reality one inch to the right but I just can't f***ing get there.
I was sitting at a traffic light and I yelled BaBa Booey. Yelled it really loudly.
You have to be a fan of Howard Stern to understand the reference. If you are not a fan of Howard Stern I feel sorry for you.
I felt immediately better. Because the outburst was not one of surrender it was merely a release of pressure. If I didn't yell BaBa Booey my head would have exploded.
I am guessing that my blood pressure at the time was about a billion over a trillion.
BaBa Booey saved me.
I do strange things sometimes but they are entirely necessary.

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