What You Hate In Others

There is a school of thought that says the things you hate the most in other people are traits that you yourself have.

I always thought that this was bullshit. Didn't make sense to me. But in my new enlightened state, my insatiable quest for knowledge and learning, I am re-thinking my position.

Side note: In addition to reading the House Committee Report on the New Hampshire State Liquor Commission this morning, I did extensive reading on Ralph Waldo Emerson which led me to read up on American transcendentalism. I ain't kidding about beefing up my brain, baby.

Anyway, I am an opinionated guy fueled by anger and bitterness and frustration. I hate a lot of things in a lot of people.

I got to thinking - am I really that perfect?

If there is something deeper to understanding my problems with certain types of people, something more than just my amazing perceptive abilities, than maybe I am doing them and myself a disservice. My life is screwed up enough without adding insignificant layers of bullshit to the mix.

I am not saying I want to love everyone. There are one hell of a lot of people out there who deserve to be hated. This is another problem I am having right now. I am pursuing enlightenment which would suggest a gentle evaluation of all humans. But I am also trying to get tougher so I can move on to success, and that part of me is perfectly OK with shredding other people in my mind.

Not sure where that philosophic mind battle is going to lead.

In addition I believe part of my problem is that I resent other people who have the traits I wish I had. This makes no sense. If someone else has something I want, you would think I could learn from them. Instead they just piss me off. I think this is another aspect of the "the things you hate in others" dynamic.

But the core of it is harder to deal with. The assumption that what I hate in others is what I hate in myself. That requires self reflection. Self knowledge. Honest and deep self knowledge.

The situation gets complicated because if the person you hate is someone you have to deal with, they probably pick up on your feelings which prompts them to hate you. Research shows that the more people like you, the easier and more productive your life will be. So if you are unnecessarily aggravating someone else you are really sabotaging your own life. Which really gets my attention because my life is 1% of what it could be and I am running out of time. Considering the fact that my brain is hard wired for insanity and illogical thinking, one could assume that I have created a lot of my own obstacles.

Or to put it another way, as my lovely wife has told me 16,375,978 times in the last 34 years - I am my own worst enemy.

The intelligent way to go about this is to think about exactly what it is about that other person that drives you crazy. And then see if you can identify those same things in yourself. This changes the whole dynamic of the situation because you can learn about yourself by paying attention to how you react to others.

And the more you know about yourself the stronger you are.

I'm not sure I can pull this off. It's a lot easier to be critical of others than to be honest with yourself. I have a 42 page list of people who piss me off. This complicates things as well.

I'll give it a shot, though. I got nothing to lose and 99% to gain.