What I Need

I want money.
Huge stacks of it.
Huge sacks of it.
Piled as high as the eye can see.

I would like to experience the following reality.

I come home from work exhausted and disillusioned (as always), and with head down push the sliders open to enter the living room.
A solid sack of money falls and knocks my head back, forcing me to look up at an impenetrable wall of sacks of money.
I stand there for a second, bewildered. Eventually I get my wits back about me and claw my way through the wall. Actually I somehow climb up and over the wall, rolling down into a valley of peace that Carol has created for herself and the cats by stacking sacks further into the dining and kitchen area and up the stairs leading to the second floor.
I look at her and say "What's all this?"
She says "I don't know. It was here when I got home."
I say "What do you think we should do?"
She says "I don't know. Maybe we should retire?"
I say "OK. I guess that sounds like a good idea."

If this ever happened to me it would not change me in the least.

I would still drive the Ferrari Testarossa I currently drive.
I would still light my friends' joints with hundred dollar bills.
I would still wear custom made Italian leather shoes.
I would still take my lovely wife out to eat at five star restaurants five nights a week.
I would still hang around with Johhny Depp, Jack Nicholson and Keith Richards.

I don't think abundant money is out of my reach. I pray to Jesus and Santa Claus every day, asking for money.
I figure one of them has to come through.

"Money don't buy everything it's true.
What it don't buy I can't use."
Buddha said that. I trust him. He's highly evolved.

Gordon Gekko said "Greed captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit." He was the Buddha of stock and real estate speculation. He sported nice suits and wore his hair just right.

Gekko also said "Lunch is for wimps."
That is where he and I part ways.

I like lunch.

I will use my money to convince The Doors to go back out on the road with ME as front man. You think Morrison was crazy you ain't seen nothing yet.

I will buy McDonald's and force them to remove everything healthy from the menu, leaving nothing but fat, grease and calories.
Do not pretend to be something you are not.

I will buy Starbucks and change the name to Overpriced & Pretentious.

I will buy an iPhone 5 and hire someone to boil the 600 page instruction booklet that accompanies it.
down to one page.

I will buy Twitter and gut and destroy the company. I don't ever want to hear the word "tweet" again unless it is in relation to my favorite person in the world, Tweety Bird.

I will start my own reality TV show where the losers actually get eaten by tigers and fall into pools of burning oil.
The winners will get books and I will teach them to read.



You can see that my intentions are pure and good for society.


Give me money.