A Junkie Without Football...................

OK, look. Last Sunday I missed THE PATS game. I missed  THE PATS game because I was working.

I despise this situation. Not only did I miss THE PATS  game, I only saw about an hour of football in total on Sunday. In part because we had to watch the second to last episode of Breaking Bad. Which I missed a lot of because I kept falling asleep. I only got 4 hours sleep the night before and I worked a 10 hour day on Sunday. I have to watch Breaking Bad on demand; my prime time attempt was a wasted effort.

I missed THE PATS, only saw an hour of football on a Sunday. This is unnatural. It is an affront to nature.

But I survived it.

I honestly expected that at exactly 1 o'clock on Sunday my heart would explode in The Asylum. That I would just drop dead from missing the game.

It was even worse because I brought a radio with me so I could at least listen to the game and I COULD NOT GET RECEPTION.  I tried every channel, every antenna position, I stood on my head, I invoked Jesus' attention just like football players do when they score, but nothing worked.

Yet I survived it.

Instead of despair I felt and still feel a steely resolve to deal with this situation.  I have been on the job for 7 months now. Had I put in maximum effort to escape this hell over this time period I would be out of there. I would not have missed THE PATS.

I am not chronically unemployable. I got skills. I can snag jobs. I am not hopeless.

I did not put in maximum effort - I am still suffering. It's on me.

Lately it has become clear to me how much this job steals from my life. It is not worth it. The money does not justify my pain.

However I reiterate - it's on me. I accepted the job offer and I have stumbled my way blindly, angrily, futilely and often drunkenly through the past 7 months.

I know absolutely nothing, but I can guess that blind anger and whiskey abuse do not pave the road to solutions.

I am left with steely resolve. Another change to my internal workings. Steely resolve feels much better than despair.

I am thinking with maximum effort that the possibility exists for me to watch the second half of the NFL season in peace. And to NEVER be in this situation again.

Part of my anger is derived from idiot co-workers who I have decided to take on in combat. Lazy, brainless fools who expect to do nothing and get paid for it. Lazy, brainless fools who I have allowed to do nothing and get paid for it. Lazy, brainless fools who have taken advantage of me.

Until now.

I have turned up the heat and they are fighting back like the kindergarten children their mentality emulates. So there is a lot of tension, arguing and discussing and my popularity has plummeted.

I have steely resolve to break these fools. I get the last word and if they push me far enough the last word will be "fired."

So the kindergarten co-worker thing came into play at the same time that my love, my passion, football, got taken away from me.

I am becoming dangerous.

I recognize my faults. I accept the blame for all of it.

But my guts have tightened up. I am fighting back. Adversity has given me determination forged in steel.

Everything happens for a reason. This job did not come along to free Carol and me financially.

It came along as a crucible to evolve me into the man it will take to enjoy ten good years.