Gourmand vs Gourmet

Do you know the difference between a gourmand and a gourmet?

I didn't. I thought a gourmand was an offshoot of a gourmet. You know, the world's leading expert on one specific food or class of foods.

Like Jacques was the leading gourmand on the topic of chilled monkey brains.

Turns out I was wrong.

The definition of gourmand is: "One who is excessively fond of eating and drinking. One who is heartily interested in good food and drink."

The examples given are: "a finicky gourmand who vacationed in Europe every year simply for the wine. The kind of gourmand who swallows food without even pausing to taste it."

In my mind I am seeing Jabba The Hut.

These definitions are from Merriam-Webster by the way, not Wickipedia.

The definition of gourmet is: "a connoisseur of fine food and drink; epicure. A person who cultivates a discriminating palate for the enjoyment of good food and drink."

Epicure is one of my favorite words. I use the phrase epicurean delights often. Seriously.

I decided to look that up to make sure I have it right.

Epicure: "Devoted to the pursuit of sensual pleasure, especially to the enjoyment of good food and comfort. A devotee to sensuous and luxurious living."

Turns out epicure has a broader definition than I thought.

What I am getting out of this is that a gourmand will shove anything down his throat that pleases him, regardless of taste, texture, sensory delight or nutritional value.

Seems like an awfully fancy word for your common garden variety glutton. You know, the type you see motoring around malls and country fairs in those scooters, with enormous amounts of flab hanging over both edges of the seat.

I threw the country fair in there because we walked around the Hopkinton State Fair yesterday and I was repulsed by the number of obese people I saw scooting around the dirt in their little carts, usually heading up to the fried pickle stand.

There were also a large number of obese people waddling around on their abused feet,  people to whom a complete meal is comprised of three corn dogs followed by deep fried Oreos.

There are an awful lot of gourmands in this country.

I got to wondering if these shameless blobs of cellulose are more prevalent in NH, or if you would encounter them in equal numbers in any state fair in any state in the country.

Are there pockets of highly concentrated obesity in this country or is it evenly distributed?

If it is evenly distributed than we might as well wrap up this country's future in a Taco Bell Doritos Locos Tacos shell and call the paramedics.

Gourmet suggests the opposite end of the spectrum to me. Pretentiousness.

I think it is a good thing to be an expert in something but it seems to me that expert knowledge generally results in an air of condescension.

I have noticed this in the wine tastings I have attended in connection with my phony baloney job.

I dutifully walk to the table, swish the wine around my mouth and then spit it into the spit bucket (which is completely foreign to my nature).

You would think they would have a classier name than spit bucket, but that is what they call it.

While you swish, the expert is explaining to you how the climate, the soil, the grapes and the vintner's spiritual aura combine to create this divine sensory delight.

I feel like I am being condescended to, like they have to say the words but they know I know nothing and that I will do nothing with the information. It is right there in their eyes.

And to a certain extent they are right. It has become a source of amusement at The Asylum when I give wine recommendations, explaining how delicious the wine is. As the customer walks away a co-worker will ask if I have ever tasted the wine to which I almost invariably reply "No".

In my defense I do read up on wines so I am not completely without knowledge.

I strive to be an epicure. I am a sensuous guy. I am into sensuality. I think emotion and sensuality are somehow related.

I concentrate on the texture of my food or the feel of a wine. Carol laughs at me because I sniff food and drink before I consume it. I do not apologize, it adds to my enjoyment.

After 16,457,989 glasses of Crown Royal in my life, I still take a sniff before a sip. It makes the experience whole.

Except on stressful days when I gulp. I do feel guilty about that, such a waste of a fine whiskey. But a wonderful stress reliever.

I do not feel compelled to do any studying to consider myself an epicure. All I need is awareness and experience.

I would rather be considered an epicure than a gourmet because an epicurean aura seems to come from the soul and to address the essence of life.

"Devoted to the pursuit of sensual pleasure, especially to the enjoyment of good food and comfort. A devotee to sensuous and luxurious living."

Seems like a fitting approach to life.

A hell of a lot more meaningful than obesity and pretentiousness.

And what do you do with someone who is obese and pretentious?

That is a topic for another time and place.