Friday, September 27, 2013

Define Expert

Listening to NHPR the other day on my way to The Asylum.

I could not believe my ears.

They had some expert, some doctor of something, talking about a study that he did. I don't know what the origin of the study was, I don't know what he was trying to prove, but here is what he came up with.

He was talking about sports fans and he concluded through intensive research and study, that when your team wins you eat healthier because you are now future oriented. In other words you feel good about your team and you look forward to more victories, so you subconsciously eat healthier because you are looking to the future.

When your team loses you eat junk food because you are looking for instant gratification to escape your present misery.

Are you kidding me?

This guy probably has 14 post graduate degrees and this is what he does with his brain.

Why not focus on something useful? Like finding a way to force idiot girl to look in the mirror.

I don't know, man. There is so much of this kind of stuff in the world. So many people are struggling. The vast majority of humans on this planet are struggling to just get by, so many struggling to just stay alive.

And you have Dr. Sports Fan Diet Dude getting paid to do this kind of research. His education was probably funded on scholarships too. He got a free ride and he is still getting a free ride.

I am jealous. I went to college. I could have worked up some sort of faux intellectual scam.

Instead I spent five years ( it was a work study program; I am not an idiot) drinking beer and playing pinball.

I got pretty good at pinball.

Now here I am, 36 years down the road after graduation, working as an assistant manager in a state run liquor store. Baby sitting brainless, lazy idiots, being condescended to by wine snobs and being dictated to by the state that Angels Envy bourbon should be placed directly to the left of the 375 ml Gentleman Jack.

As I wrote "state run liquor store" the thought popped into my head that state run used to be a term associated with insane asylums. I am reeling with the implications of that.

The only solace I can find in this is that a big night in college for Dr. Sports Fan Diet Dude probably involved a large bowl of Fritos and copious amounts of ginger ale while watching foot fungus documentaries.

I had a hell of a lot more fun than that. This was in an era when porn was considered art. I saw Behind The Green Door, and Deep Throat in Northeastern University's  movie theater.

And I drank a lot of beer and played a lot of pinball.

I got pretty good at pinball.

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