A Million Dollar Tooth

While I was away..................................

I got me a million dollar tooth.

Between the time the appointment was made to install a new crown, and the actual appointment - my fucking tooth went nuts.

PAIN. Hot, cold, chewing - if I hit it right it was pain through the roof. Popped in to see Dr. Dentist and he told me no way can the crown be done - gotta get a root canal first. I suggested pulling the tooth and he gave me all the reasons I shouldn't. And honestly, there is a slight chance I could live 25 more years - I already have a missing tooth or two - I don't want to wind up looking like a toothless hobo.

He poked around a bit and eventually pushed up on the tooth to make sure he had the right one - my head exploded. His office wrote up the referral for the endodontist and zapped it over to her. Miraculously, I got an appointment for the next morning. At fucking 7:45.

When I got there she did her own testing and caused my head to explode 2 or 3 more times. Then she gave me 3 options.

Options? Fucking options? I thought this was a black and white deal.

One of the options was to pull the tooth, which she promptly advised against when I showed some interest.

Go ahead and do the fucking root canal.

I was super pissed off. In a situation like this, where I have a tooth screaming at me, fucking tell me what to do. Don't lay out confusing options and lame disclaimers and expect me to make a decision.

You are the fucking expert.

About half an hour into the process - after removing the gigantic filling from the tooth and opening up canals to do the root canal - she stops and tells me the tooth has a couple of cracks that run midway down the shaft.

If they were tiny cracks she would advise going ahead with the root canal. If they were deep cracks she would advise pulling the tooth.

Of course these were mid-sized cracks. She could not guarantee a good outcome. Could be good for 6 months, could be good for 5 years. What do I want to do?

I still had a mouthful of fucking stuff. Big rubber thing to keep my mouth open, that cutesy rubber thing they shove in there to isolate the tooth - I just looked at her, projected incredulousness as best I could, and help up my hands as if to say "How the fuck do you expect me to answer you?"

We went back and forth a bit and, finally, I told her to just finish the root canal.

$1,590. Payable immediately. The crown, which will be installed next week, and the original visit with Dr. Dentist, will cost me $2,000. A $3,600 tooth.

Did I do the right thing? I doubt it. But it kind of seemed like it at the time. But the next time things go south with my fucking teeth.....................

I get down on my knees every day and thank Covid for putting money in our bank account. 

However, it's not like we are worry-free. It's not a lot of money and I fear it will get pissed away on stupid shit like this. Drip, drip, drip, chip, chip, chip.

We are old. We are vulnerable. When that money is gone, and if the house doesn't sell, I will become a toothless hobo. Living in my car with a wife, two cats and a kitty litter box.

Made it, Ma. Top of the world.