Narrow Parameters

This is the time of year that I come alive.

Alive within the narrow parameters of my own definition. Still, I am a little more frisky, got a bounce to my step, and I am not wearing six fucking layers of clothes.

However this year I am sidelined for a bit. Restrained. Fettered. I can't dance the Ickey Shuffle every morning on my front lawn as I usually do.

I wasn't sure how to handle this. It is a potentially dangerous situation. 

I haven't been able to find a therapist who is willing to get anywhere near me, but I heard about a guy. A guy that I hunted down in the woods surrounding the town I live in. 

White beard down to the middle of his chest, a few holes in his dental makeup, stylish ankle length brown (I think) coat, black combat boots, and a unique aroma that he says is about to be duplicated and marketed by Chanel. For a hefty fee, I might add.

I gave him $1,000 in cash and a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20. And told him: "This is the time of year when I feel most alive. Almost happy. But this year circumstances have conspired to prevent me from enjoying the warm weather. Thwarting my happiness. Which is dangerous because winter is a little over one month away. What should I do?"

He said "You have to establish a Baseline of Despair. Then you will never be disappointed. If something good comes along it will feel like New Year's Eve. But if not, it will be just another day. Every day."

I slapped my forehead with the palm of my hand. "Shit, man - how did I not think of that? I must really be off balance. I already established a Baseline of Despair. 45 years ago, for Christ sake. You are so right. I gotta stick with what works. You are just the jolt I needed to get me back on track."

He asked "You want the money and wine back?" I refused, telling him he deserved it. So he invited me to lunch.

He built a fire and heated up a can of Spam, which he generously shared with me. We drank some MD 20/20. It was the best goddamn lunch I have had in a long while.

In fact it was the best goddamn company I have enjoyed in a long while.