Rupert stood atop the hill and felt the thrill.
He heard about this place. A beautiful spot where parents brought their children to fly. One hell of a steep hill - the incline was intimidating to adults, exhilirating to kids. Because kids live and adults dream.
The grass was thick like a carpet. That's what made this hill so unique.
The poor kids could slide down on pieces of cardboard, the rich kids rode plastic sleds specificially manufactured for this sort of thing. No one got hurt, everybody laughed.
Rupert was alone in the world. He had no friends, his family shunned him. He was fat. Obscenely so. Society condoned his isolation. He didn't matter. So he retreated within himself.
Rupert didn't mind, not really. He knew he was a freak show. Uncomfortable silences wherever he went. Stores, restaurants, libraries, movies - he grew used to it. Besides, he had his books. His precious books.
And streaming on TV. Anything that interested him anytime he wanted. No reason to leave the house.
Except for work. Lowly wages for a lowly job. They kept him in the basement, babysitting ancient files. Paper files in manilla folders. No windows, no air conditioning. The lack of A/C really wasn't a problem, the basement was a dark, damp cave. Rupert didn't mind.
One thing Rupert craved was exhiliration. Just a taste. His life was a level surface - no highs, no lows. No laughter, no excitement, no companionship. It was ok but still, he wondered. What would it be like to feel, to just let go.
He had heard about these kids on the hill, he wanted to experience their joy, even though he was not sure he could recognize joy with nothing to compare it to. So he drove 55 miles to be there. And here he was.
The kids laughed raucously, Rupert laughed cautiously. Leaning out and over, thrilling to the total abandon of the children, the willingness to just let go and feel.
Then he slipped; he began to roll. At first he was terrified but quickly realized there was nothing to be gained from that. So he just let go.
And he laughed and laughed and laughed. He was flying, his soul had been released, his heart was pumping and he was alive. He thought he would die, he could not believe he could feel so vibrant.
He rolled and rolled and rolled, until he reached the bottom of the hill, where he landed on his back staring up at the beautiful, blue sky. It took a moment to catch his breathe from the ride and from looking at that sky. My God, what he had been missing.
When he stood, he noticed all the kids pointing at him and laughing. Cruelly mocking him. He saw the parents looking away. His shoulders slumped, his smile died, his joy vanished.
Once more he retreated within himself. He had no idea how he would get back to his car - climbing a hill is no easy task for an obscenely fat man. But he had to get out of the line of vision. Or die.
So he walked towards the woods and disappeared amongst the trees.
The parents and children were safe and comfortable in their world one again.
Rupert cried in his.
He regretted just letting go.
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