This Is My Future

I want to quit my job.

"Want" is way too benign a word - I ache to quit my job. Every fiber of my being cries out for me to quit.

Every day that I go to work I am as a Waterford Crystal goblet smashed against the wall.

I can't quit. What are you fucking kidding me? We are already living on Spam and Cheetos.

I can't quit because This Is My Future:

Soon we will probably be paying $5, $6, $7, $10 per gallon for oil to heat the house. Deal breaker. Can't afford it, gotta keep working. I am thinking about picking up a nice factory job. I hear there is a solid future in computers. I am so grateful to have options.

There will be an explosion. I am a psychopath at work. I have lashed out at my boss twice recently and he does not deserve that. He is a caring, considerate, empathetic guy. 

I shit on a co-worker while working a show last Saturday. Just lashed out at the guy. He is a serial Disingenuous Optimist. Works for him but disgusts me when he forces it on me. The show was a cluster-fuck of stupidity, I was angry, he insisted on revving up phony optimism - I struck. He didn't deserve it. At heart, he is a nice guy.

At the same show, I ranted like a lunatic behind the scenes before I opened up the fucking box office. People were circling around me as if I was a wounded bull. Which I was.

So there you have it. My future as it now sits ensures that I will work until I die. My mind, my heart, my soul are shattered and on life-support because I have to work.

This is an untenable reality.

There will be an explosion.

This Is My Future.

Unless I do something to change it. Anybody taking odds?